When you become a mother for the first time, you swear that you will never buy anything but the best for your cute little bundle of joy. As the bundle grows, and you add bundles, you realize that you no longer can, or should, buy only the best. I decided today, after a horrible wiping accident, that there are just some things that you just should never skimp on as a parent and feel I should share my short list with you. I can only hopes it saves you in the future.
1. Wipes: This came to the forefront today after my little “incident”. Never, and I stress NEVER, buy cheap wipes. They are thin and small, and your chances of having a horrible accident are high. There is nothing more frustrating and disgusting than a finger through the wipe, or swiping your hand through little Sally’s “gift” during a 3-alarm poo.
2. Diapers: Trust me when I say this, I have tried just about every diaper on the market except for cloth, and I am just NOT gonna go there. It is worth it to me to pay a little extra for better diapers. There is nothing worse than total and complete overflow combined with, as we call it at our house, the “residual stink”. You know what I mean. You change the diaper and find yourself asking the others if little Johnny has shit himself yet again for the next 3 hours straight just based on the level of stink attached to the poor guy.
3. Toilet paper: See Wipes above, multiply grossness factor times 10, especially when wiping someone else’s butt.
4. Laundry Soap: I knew that kids were dirty, but in no way was I actually prepared for the level of filth that only children can achieve. A good laundry soap and stain treater are essential to your success. If you are new here, I hate doing laundry more than anything on this planet, so if it wasn’t for good laundry soap, some stain spray, and some good luck, I would possibly just turn clothes into rags and then poor PITA would have nothing left to wear. In turn I would be broke and would be asking you all for donations to the YKIHAYHT clothing fund.
5. Coffee: Good coffee is essential. DO NOT buy the cheapest grounds you can find. I’m not gonna sugar coat it here, that shit is expensive, but trust me when I say you will be grateful you spent the extra on the good stuff. I am not suggesting to import some fancy French beans, but with the obscene quantity of coffee that you will need to consume just to be deemed a somewhat functioning parent, you deserve something that actually tastes like coffee.
6. A good vacuum: After going through one $100 vacuum a year for a few years in a row, we finally took the plunge and bought a fairly expensive vacuum, and I’m not talking a Dyson here. Vacuums can only survive so much hair, and glitter, and Polly Pocket shoes, and Legos. Buy a good vacuum, with a maintenance plan, because you know as well as I do that it will fall victim to something left behind. Oh, and buy a Shop-Vac. At some point you will be required to clean up vomit, or an overflowed toilet, or sink, or bathtub. You will need a wet vac for that. Trust me.
7. A Rocker Recliner: Note, I did NOT say a glider rocker to put in the nursery, those things are pointless. Seriously, buy a good rocker recliner. Test it out, make sure that your butt fits rather comfortably in it. Put your feet up, make sure it leans back far enough to encourage a good sleep. Trust me, you will spend many a night in that little gem, so you better make sure that it is comfortable.
8. Door Locks: Or as I like to call them “sanity savers”. Before you go all ape-shit crazy on me, I am NOT talking about door locks on the doors for the little’s rooms. (But if you did happen to put a lock on your kids’ doors, I wouldn’t judge. I may, or may not, have used these devices to keep a certain little person in their room for nap time) PUT A GOOD LOCK ON YOUR BEDROOM DOOR!!! Trust me when I say you will use it, and that this has nothing to do with S-E-X. There will come a time when your little precious bundle(s) of joy will grow up, and scream, and fight, and incessantly say “mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy”. You will need a break. Somewhere they can’t find you. You will lock yourself in your room, turn on some music, and put them on ignore. You will do it for your sanity and their safety. I guarantee it. This does NOT make you a bad parent, it makes you human.
9. Door Locks: I know, this was #8, but it is so important, I thought I would put it on here twice. PUT A GOOD LOCK ON YOUR BATHROOM DOOR!!! There will be times, especially that one “special” time of the month, that you will never be more thankful for it. I know I do not fancy an “audience” when tending to my “personal hygiene” issues and have never been more thankful for having a lock on my bathroom door. The two minutes of privacy is worth listening to all the pounding and screaming on the other side of the door.
10. Wine: This really doesn’t need an explanation, but I’m giving one anyway. As an adult, Boone’s Farm is just not acceptable anymore. If you are going to drink the wine, at least decrease the chances of the hangover from hell by drinking something a little classier. I am not saying to run out and buy that hundred dollar bottle of wine, but please spend a little more than two dollars on a bottle. I am still waiting to receive my bottles from Johnny Depp , but I have a sneaking suspicion that they aren’t going to arrive any time soon. If you are so broke that Boone’s Farm is the only option, I am guessing that you don’t need to be drinking anyway. Set standards, and live up to them.
My goodness it is so tempting to skimp, I do it all the time, but it is OK to take a few things for you. You need it, you DESERVE it! Have a good day!
ME
Comments
perfect, exactly.
I agree!!!! Especially with the wipes, laundry detergent and toilet paper!! My top 2 are paper towels and laundry detergent. The cheaper ones never work as well! I should also stock is Shout laundry spray!
You have my full support in this but wine should be like #1 or at least in the top 5. I wish I weren’t pregnant right now cuz my two year old makes me crave wine. In fact it is what I have asked for in my delivery room. No fancy lobster dinners, just get me a big nice cold bottle of sweet red wine and a large glass and I will be happy.
Any list that has both coffee and wine on it is PERFECT in my opinion.
Here is my thing about wine. There is fancy wine that is hella expensive and tastes amazing. I get a bottle if this from my MIL every year. We’re talking like $40 bottle. Then there is the wine that’s for every day and I still think it tastes amazing but I pay $10-15 for it, depending in the bottle size. My point is sometimes cheap wine is still good if it’s not Boones Farm.
LOL- Boones Farm Wine, boy does that take me back!
Sheets. Because at the end of the day after the tiny people are finally asleep, you want to lay down on luxurious sheets.
I am with you 100% on that. Nothing nicer than being exhausted and climbing into bed with great sheets against your skin. 600 cotton thread and above of that nice combed Eygtian cotton. Ahhhhhhh!
Aren’t you glad you missed daiper pin days. Those things were lethal. Wine was actually sggsed to me by the pediatrician to help me relax for breast feeding. Ice tea is an excellent milk maker. Cloth diaper deseve a decent bonfire. Went through 11 in 2 hrs once. OK, my “baby” is 33. Do not let the child start to talk or walk too early. And remember, thy will get teir turn. It just takes a while. But it’s all worth it.
Oh Kathy! You made me laugh at the memory! My kids are 35 and 40 and then surprise 18.
The first 2 kids the disposables were just coming on the market and they were so expensive and poorly made. I remember at night I would use 2 or 3 recieving blankets for diapers and the poor baby looked like he was doing the splits! I never bought the disposables until the last one and they are a dream. Do they even still sell cloth diapers!!
God I love you. This list is being committed to my memory for when I get a baby. Thank you oh wise one!
PERFECT!!! You were 100% spot on!!! In fact after dinner last night, I told mine that I was putting myself in timeout in my room with the door locked and they were not to bother me unless the house was on fire or someone was dying!!!
Great list! I’m with you, with the twins I tried cheap diapers and ended up changing them twice as much. Toilet paper is another big one, my mom buys the cheapest toilet paper it cracks me up. And for me coffee is above wine foe sure
Just came across your blog, great read and fantastic post. As I’m about to become a new mom I will definitely keep your list in mind!
Love this list!!
I really would love to hear what you found to be your favorite wipes/diapers/and laundry paraphernalia.. We go with Huggies, but every now and then we have issues still.. the younger they are the worse it seems to be, maybe because I expect my newborns to wear newborn or at least size 1.. Silly me (last baby was 10lb, 11oz.. little bugger!) :/.
I still don’t know jack about laundry so I’d just take your advice on that one.. currently we’re in the “church clothes” vs “nice clothes” vs “play clothes” vs “rags to be tossed” camp. I would like to cut down on the speed at which any given article of clothing migrates through these phases.. lol
hahahaha love this! so so true!
Amen.
Here, here! Especially to the cheap wipe scenario. It always seems like a great idea at the store, and then the horrible “break through” happens and playing in traffic sounds more fun that what you’re doing.
Amen, sista!! I’m all in for all!! I learned when I was on round 2 with kids (my kids are 10 years apart) that coffee will be the best… I don’t care & I order it from Costa Rica (not a total snob, it’s actually not that expensive) and wine — only the good stuff please. My box days ended 15 years ago, thank you. Locks – Amen again (I will be doing “locks” tomorrow, but with a different spin) I’m out of diaper & wipe stages – but again toilet paper.. Key….
Awesome blog sista!!
AMEN!!!!!! I thought I could get away with Target diapers and wipes. I hate the smell of the wipes, they do a sucky job and the diapers are horrible. Back to Pampers and Huggies I went.
Great Post! Your newest follower at http://simplethoughtsonthings.blogspot.com
I would suggest plenty of crib sheets and the pads. You don’t want to be doing laundry in the middle of the night. I actually used to layer them so that if my baby wet through the top sheet and pad, I could just rip them off. My baby is now 31
I love your blog! You totally inspired me to start my own. I am in no way as good at it as you, however if no one reads it, I at least will have written down my life to go back and reminisce on the good times later. Thank you for sharing your stories with us!
If you are at all interested in reading my blog the domain name is http://exhaustedworkingmommy.wordpress.com/
I so agree with this list. You are amazing.
I love this list!! I’d add in ear-plugs too…for those times when the little’s are not happy about nap-time or a time out…my lil mini me has a high pitched scream which reaches potentially deadly decibel levels…I love my ear plugs, coffee, and wine
Love this. Totally agree- especially about the coffee. I never used to be a coffee snob, but now I’m spoiled and I can’t go back. When I’m visiting someone who serves me crappy coffee, it puts such a damper on my day! I LIVE for good coffee!
A list to live by, for sure. And I am with you 100% when yo note how important good toilet paper is when wiping the man-sized crap off of a 5yo’s buns. Not a time you want your finger to pop through the paper, amiright?
High quality toilet paper is always essential. A lesson too many of us learn the hard way.
I’m so with you on that shop vac! We have one and have used it many, many times. Our outdoor glass table once shattered in a million pieces during a storm. That shop vac was my best friend after that. I am also totally with you on the wipes! And the wine.
(Thanks for linking up with us over at #findingthefunny this week!)
YES! I’m so with you on most of these. I’m currently sitting in a filthy vacuum less house since our cheap one that we just bought broke and I’m furious about it. No skimping this time!
I want to add high quality tissues to your list. It’s hard enough chasing around an ornery snot-faced kid and trying to catch their drippy snot, but it’s SO much worse when the tissues you use are both thin and abrasive. Their nose gets all irritated (and your fingers get full of snot) and they run even faster to avoid contact!
I may or may not lock certain people in their rooms at nap and bed time… I have 2 sleep walkers and live in bear/ cougar country…
Might I suggest an additional item for your must have list? Flushable wipes for the b.r. Cottonelle are just awesome for anyone, young or old that has “loose” number twos. Also good for that personal “lady” time. Large enough that you don’t get a handful and soft enough that there is no irritation. Other than that I’m with you sister! Although, I have found a box wine here that is awesome, but I drink dry, dry white not red, because I get migraines and red triggers them. Wish I had thought about the damn locks when mine were little.