You Know it Happens at Your House Too

Cake in a Glass? Yes, PLEASE!

March 25, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 11 Comments

Girls night out. They don’t come very often, so when they do I like to make the most out of them. When my cousin, the Enabler, asked me to run away with her for an entire child-free evening for a visit to our Alma Mater I just had to make it happen. Childcare, check. Bags packed, check. Cash in hand, check. Legs shaved, oops.

We quickly forget how lovely it is to escape every once in a while. Eating a hot meal without having to cut up something for someone or stopping halfway through to take someone to the potty. To enjoy a nice summer beer while you properly chew your food instead of taking a bite and choking it down while you chase your three-year-old across the restaurant. To sit and enjoy adult conversation instead of taking half of your meal home to eat later because your kids can’t keep their hands off each other and they are crying because you flicked them all on the ear (I would never do that, but I’ve heard of it happening <ahem>).

To shop without chasing kids through the racks.

To go to a bar and enjoy a beer (or three).

Then you wake up and it hits you. Something big is coming up soon. It’s sneaking up on you like all your kids’ birthdays. You can’t quite put your finger on it. It’s a holiday you are pretty sure, but all the days run together so that is a total stab in the dark.

Thinking…..thinking……

Oh. Snap. Easter is coming. Soon. Ham, potatoes, all the fixin’s. Easter baskets. Candy. Peeps. Crap.

Are we required to make Easter crafts? Do we need cute little centerpieces and fancy place mats? What exactly should I be doing in preparation? Should I be baking cookies and planning out a fancy cake? What will we eat? What will we drink? Will the Easter Bunny bring good stuff for the kids’ baskets? Can I put out my own basket and he will fill it with special gifts just for me *wine/chocolates*?

I started thinking about my kids and what they always hope the Easter Bunny will bring them. The usual suspects; chocolate bunnies and Peeps. Toys and books. I am always un-prepared and usually over-purchase and we end up eating Peeps for weeks. Normally not a bad thing, but since I am trying to loosen my jeans instead of make them tighter, I needed to come up with a way to thin out the Peeps. My way.

I started doing some basic research. I was imperative to come up with something creative and after watching this video for Peeps, I started asking myself what is MY “Peepsonality”? Go ahead. Watch it. I can wait. WATCH IT. *taps toes*

I decided to take it to the next level and go to the Peeps website for ideas and had a hard time finding something to fit me. You all know me well enough by now. I don’t do crafts, kids with scissors and glue guns scare me. I bake, but my jeans advised me to pursue other options. What is something that I can do? Hmmmm…. Well, I do like to enjoy a nice drink at night. Maybe I’m on to something here. Sometimes it is wine, sometimes it is a beer, but for Easter I needed something good. Like a dessert in a glass.

I decided to take my idea to the bars while out with my girls. Would something light and fruity work? Nope. Something sweet and sugary? Nope. Something chocolaty and delicious? Ladies and gentlemen, we have a WINNER!!!!

I needed a professional’s assistance, so with a little help from our very young and charming with a stellar taste in music bartender Tony at Porter’s bar in Manhattan, Kansas (when I say young I really mean that even though Tony and I graduated from the same high school, it wasn’t in the same century young) we came up with the idea for this delightful beverage. There was some intensive research involved in this process both at the bar, and at home. I can only hope that you appreciate all the hard work I do for you all.

It took a few tries to get the right combination. Luckily Farmer Bob, the chocolate connoisseur, was available this weekend to be my official test taster. Some were too chocolaty (is that possible?). Some were too vanilla-y (is that a word?). After some trial and error, and a few shots just for good measure, we settled on this recipe. It really is like a slice of black forest cake in a glass:

Peeps

Peeps in the Forest

Equal parts UV Chocolate Cake and Cherry Vodka

Splash of UV Vanilla Vodka

Dr. Pepper to taste

Make sure to sugar your rim.

Dip Peep in chocolate and use as garnish and to nibble as you drink. It adds just the right amount of sweet!

Make sure to have a few extra chocolate covered Peeps on the side. I realized just one wasn’t enough.

Just be careful…this sucker will sneak up on you in a heartbeat. You’ve been warned. May it make your Easter dinner just a little less stressful. Enjoy.

*This post is sponsored by Peeps, but all the words and thoughts are products of my own brain.*

Filed Under: Famer Bob, Friendship, Humor, Motherhood, wine, Women, YKIHAYHT

So This is Really Happening…

March 15, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 13 Comments

Living in the country we have days in which the UPS man pulling into the yard is the most traffic we see all day. I had been waiting and waiting to see that brown truck this week and every day that passed with nothing was another day I sulked just a little. Today he came and he had boxes. Two of them.

My heart skipped a beat and I brought them in and put them on the table. Since I knew what was inside I couldn’t bring myself to open them right away. I was nervous. I had heart palpitations and sweaty palms, I may have even let a little fart slip out as I jumped up and down in my excitement. Then the reality sunk in. Inside these boxes are books. Not a bunch of books that I ordered to read for my own enjoyment. Books. THESE books:

Books

<cue the tears> These are books that contain my words. Some of them may be dirty and to some inappropriate, but they are still mine. My thoughts. My words. ACK! It wasn’t real until I saw them and held one in my hands. Now it’s official. This is REALLY HAPPENING!

I grabbed the top one and opened it up and glanced at the table of contents and I think my knees buckled just a little. To look at all those names of so many amazing women all in one place, with my name among them, was something that simply took my breath away. It isn’t like it is a new development, this book has been in the works for months. Some of these women I knew before. Some of them I had read but didn’t know personally. All of them I am getting to know better and better every day.

ACK!!!

Since I operate on full disclosure and honesty I feel that I have to tell you that I have actually NOT read this book yet. Not because I don’t want to, but because I’m afraid to and I didn’t have a copy. When asked to contribute the list of other contributors was not disclosed. I knew that Jen (People I Want to Punch in the Throat) would put together an amazing list of contributors and that alone made it difficult to write anything somewhat coherent. I struggled for a month to write my piece for her and after a TON of editing I closed my eyes and hit the send button. Once I discovered who all the incredible writers were that were going to be joining me on this adventure, I may have thrown up a little. These are some of the most talented and hilarious women on the interwebs. Now I am in print with them. Mind. Blown.

What I do know without even reading one single page is that this book is AMAZING. To have thirty-seven amazing women all together inside one cover, brilliant. To see thirty-seven women working together to make it succeed, brilliant. To see thirty-seven women who may not necessarily share the same sense of humor or writing styles or beliefs do something so incredible is eye-watering. I’m honored to be a part of this incredible adventure and can’t wait to see where it takes us.

I am in awe of their abilities. I am humbled to be considered a writer of their caliber. I’m still shittin bricks that my name is in that table of contents with all of these lovely ladies:

People I Want to Punch in the Throat
Insane in the Mom Brain
The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva
Baby Sideburns
Rants From Mommyland
The Underachiever’s Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess
My Life and Kids
Bad Parenting Moments
Let Me Start By Saying
Frugalista Blog
Suburban Snapshots
Ninja Mom
Four Plus an Angel
Honest Mom
Binkies and Briefcases
Naps Happen
Kelley’s Break Room
Toulouse & Tonic
HouseTalkN
Hollow Tree Ventures
The Fordeville Diaries
Snarkfest
Mom’s New Stage
Nurse Mommy Laughs
The Dose of Reality
The Mom of the Year
Life on Peanut Layne
Momaical
Cloudy, With a Chance of Wine
Confessions of a Cornfed Girl
I Love Them Most When They’re Sleeping
Random Handprints
RachRiot
You’re My Favorite Today
Funny is Family
My Real Life

So, let’s cut the sappy shit, fricken PMS. Who wants to win a copy? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? (Sorry, couldn’t resist) I’m going to give away at least one copy of “I Just Want to Pee Alone”. It will be the winner’s choice of either a paper copy or a Kindle copy. Depending on my mood and the number of entries, I may decide to do more copies you never know. The winner(s) will be announced on Tuesday morning. The more entries there are, the greater the chances of more copies to be handed out…for FREE!!!!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Don’t want to wait to see if you win? Want to buy a copy for your sister/girlfriend/wife/mother-in-law/OB-GYN/most hated enemy? It won’t even cost you your first born child. Here is all the info. Once you read it, be sure to express your love for the book with a positive review on Amazon. We will worship the ground you walk on if you do

Get it delivered to your door via Amazon: I Just Want to Pee Alone

Download it to your Kindle here: I Just Want to Pee Alone

You Nook users can download it here: I Just Want to Pee Alone

You can even get it from iTunes here: I Just Want to Pee Alone

Filed Under: blogging, Book, Humor, I Just Want to Pee Alone, mommy blogger, People I Want to Punch in the Throat, Thankful, Women, YKIHAYHT

Don’t Let the Guilt Get You

March 13, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 19 Comments

I screwed up. Not in a “I used salt instead of sugar in those cookies” kind of screwed up. More like a ”I now feel like a total asshole mother” kind of screwed up. It wasn’t over anything major, but to my fifth grade daughter it was kind of a big deal. Now I have this immense feeling of guilt. Mom guilt. Different from any other guilt you will ever feel and it sucks.

This isn’t the first time I have dropped the ball on something. I have forgotten to take someone to a birthday party, or missed that meeting about an activity. I have forgotten to call little Susie’s mom to see if Susie can come over for a sleepover. As parents we have unlimited opportunity for failure. Every second of every day presents us with an opportunity to fuck something up. There is no other job on the planet that you can enter into with absolutely no training whatsoever and then be left to deal with the pressure, the guilt, and the repercussions of not doing something right.

When I took that first job flipping hamburgers, I wasn’t allowed to start cooking the hamburgers right away. Hell no. I had to master the potato peeling and onion chopping first. I had to be able to make perfect patties and golden brown french fries before I could be trusted with the spatula and a hot grill. I received on the job training before being entrusted with the important tasks. There is no on the job training that comes along with parenthood. Sure, there are thousands of parenting books that you can peruse. There are millions upon millions of magazine and internet articles that you can sort through and read. Most likely you have friends or acquaintances that you can ask for advice. The thing is, your parenting skills will be completely different from everyone else’s. Don’t fall for the ideal of being the “perfect” parent. You are just setting yourself up for disappointment. You will be a GREAT parent, but there is no such thing as the “perfect” one.

At some point we have all royally screwed up something for our kids. Maybe we have that day that we didn’t make the time to play that board game. Maybe we forgot to write that letter of encouragement for them to read before their state assessment tests. Maybe we were taking a few seconds to read an email instead of watching them go down the slide. Maybe we were busy writing a piece for a book and didn’t spend the afternoon giving our kids scissors and glue guns. It doesn’t mean we love them any less or that we wish that they didn’t exist, it just means that we as parents are so consumed with trying to prove to everyone else that we can do everything when in reality we are drowning in our own sea of over scheduling and pressure to overachieve, present company included.

Am I a failure as a mother because my kids are currently parked in front of the television long enough for me to finish this post? No I’m not. Do I feel a slight twinge of guilt that I am doing that? Absolutely. Does it mean that I am lazy parent who only focuses on her needs instead of the needs of her children? No effing way. It means that I deserve to take some time for myself. To do the things that I enjoy and that make me a better mother. It means that I have things that I like to make time for besides wiping butts and playing Chutes and Ladders for the five millionth time. It means that in order for me to be the parent that I need to be I have to take the time to tend to myself, even if that means locking the door just so I can poop in peace.

If you can honestly look in the mirror and say to yourself that you don’t have needs. That you are the ideal parent. That your sole purpose in life is to be the beck and call girl for your kids. That you don’t ever make mistakes and suffer from mom guilt. You are full of shit. I mean, you have it oozing out of every orifice. Instead of filling yourself with these unrealistic expectations, why not tell yourself that it is OK that you forgot to make that phone call. That you aren’t ruining your kids if you let them have pop for lunch. That it is OK that you forgot to do something. That they won’t be traumatized for life if they have to go out into the backyard and play by themselves for fifteen minutes while you switch the laundry or eat that bag of M & M’s that you’ve been hiding in the cabinet.

We all make mistakes. We all have the guilt. We all have those days where we want to pack our bags and run away to the Bahamas with Johnny Depp. Well, I do at least. We can’t sit around criticizing each other and ourselves for the choices that we make for our own children. We can’t constantly attack each other because we do things differently. We can’t look in that proverbial mirror and beat ourselves up because we have those moments of doubt. Because we forgot something. Because we made a mistake. Because we just wanted to take a few minutes for ourselves. Guilt will eat you alive if you let it. We need to support each other despite our differences. We must have the belief in ourselves that we are doing something right. That we have one, or two, or five little people who think we are better than sliced bread. That these kids will turn out just fine. Have faith in YOURSELF. You’ve got this. WE’ve got this.

Faith

Have you bought the book yet? NO?? WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR???? Talk about a good way to remind yourself that we aren’t perfect. Go ahead and get a copy for yourself and feel free to get a copy for all of your mom friends too. You will laugh, you may cry from laughter, you will definitely no longer feel alone. All positive reviews will be sprinkled with glitter in celebration. Get all the details right HERE.

Filed Under: Children, Compassion, Family, Humor, Johnny Depp, kids, Love, Motherhood, opinions, parenting, self worth, Women

I’m Not a Medical Professional, but I Play One in This Post

March 4, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 11 Comments

Treadmill

Today I re-started my workout regimen. Never fear, it isn’t a hardcore heavy-duty workout that will take away from my precious writing time, but it’s a workout nonetheless. I have been on a hiatus and ever since that break started all I have done is watch my middle rise like a batch of yeasty bread. Since I am pretty sure it has risen until double in size, it is time to punch it back down, only this time I don’t plan on letting it rise again. It’s only flat-breads from here on out.

I have missed running. I never thought those words would come out of my mouth, but I miss the way it makes me feel afterwards. You know, having energy. Tight-ish abs. Less junk in my trunk. Less jiggle in the thighs. You get what I’m sayin’. I also miss those few minutes with just me and my music and my thoughts. Whatever I want to listen to without having to skip a few songs due to their explicit nature. Sorting out the various thoughts swimming about in my brain.

I think Mr. Nordic Track has forgiven me for taking such a long break from our relationship as he was remarkably kind to me this morning. Too bad the kids were not as supportive of my endeavor, attention seeking little animals that they are. As I was plugging along trying to ignore them, I came up with this list of suggested things to do before/during/after your workout. I can only hope that it helps at least one of you.

Before the workout begins:

Decide you are going to actually workout
Have another cup of coffee
Answer a couple of phone calls while catching up on Facebook
Have a bowl of cereal
Pee
Have another cup of coffee
Switch the laundry
Read a blog or two
Pee again
Put your workout clothes on
Ask three-year old if they have to pee before you get started
Pee again (next time consume less coffee)
Lock the fridge so that kids can’t sneak up and help themselves to a snack mid-workout
Answer another phone call
Pee again
Dig out treadmill from under pile of toys/clothes/junk
Try to remember how to turn on the treadmill

During the workout:

Make sure you turn on the treadmill. This is very helpful.
Make sure you set treadmill on the right speed. It is painful when you eat shit on a fast-moving belt.
Don’t forget to jump over the toys that the kids send down the belt. They like to test your cat-like reflexes.
Turn up your music. It drowns out the screams.
Remember that dance-walking burns more calories. This will also cause your children to shoot you odd looks and most likely cause uncontrollable laughter.
Don’t forget to stop the treadmill when you have to get off to take the three-year old pee because he didn’t go before you started like you asked him to.
Don’t forget to go pee when you take the toddler pee. Your pants will thank you later.
Smile and clap for the four-year-old’s musical performance, which thanks to the headphones you didn’t have to endure since it involved a tambourine, jingle bells, and maracas.
Don’t push yourself too hard, you will be required to move tomorrow. As in your body. Out of the bed.

After the workout:

Stretch. This will help the movement that will be required later in the day. While most likely this will be painful, especially to your psyche as you attempt to bend down and touch your toes and decide that your thighs are close enough.
Hydrate. Preferably with water, but depending on the time of day of your workout your beverage of choice is totally up to you.
Take tea-party breaks in-between stretches. This serves two purposes; 1. you interact with your kids that you have been ignoring for the last thirty minutes, and 2. it gives you extra time to get up from the previous stretch before moving on to the next one.
Give yourself a pat on the back for surviving another workout and try to fight the urge to stuff a couple of cookies in your pie-hole.

These are only some suggestions derived from my own personal experiences. I do not claim to be a medical professional and can only say that I cannot accept any responsibility for injuries that may occur if you choose not to take these suggestions to heart. I will also not accept any responsibility for any wet pants that occur due to either the ignoring of these suggestions, or from the laughter that you just enjoyed from reading this post. I have enough laundry, next time invest in some Poise.

Filed Under: Family, Hints, Humor, kids, Motherhood, parenting, Women

Every Girl Needs One of These

March 1, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 31 Comments

As you all know by now, I have three girls. Three girls with long hair. I’m not talking kind-of long hair. When I say long, I mean LONG. Mini-me has decided to grow hers out for locks of love, and the other ones just refuse to cut theirs. I don’t want them to feel awkward, so of course I have long hair too. I suppose what I am trying to tell you is that we are a house filled with spider monkeys. Hair. Hair everywhere. Even the boys are hairy. Except for Farmer Bob…poor guy.

Anywho, when Alana from A Girl and Her Band approached me for a potential collaboration, I was immediately intrigued. You all know that I don’t do a lot of reviews and giveaways here. It just isn’t my schtick, but I was drawn to this new company. I am not bragging or complaining here, but I am “well-endowed” in the hair department. I am always looking for something to help keep it under control so I spent A LOT of time on A Girl and Her Band reading and investigating. Once I read their motto I knew I had to give them a try.

I march to my own beat.. I smile because it’s contagious,
I take chances, I follow my heart and chase my dreams.

I live for today and plan for tomorrow, I lay down and make snow angels,
I stand up for what I believe in.

I climb trees when I need a new perspective, I’m a risk taker,
I do my homework because I love to learn.

I play night games with the neighbors, I jump in puddles,
I love breakfast for dinner and ice cream for breakfast.

I explore the world asking questions along the way, I speak up and I listen.

I love hanging with my grandparents, I volunteer,
I am not afraid to make mistakes.. they’ve proven to be great teachers.

I respect those around me, and I respect myself, if I don’t have anything nice to say I don’t say anything at all.
I clean my room, I work hard and play harder, I belly laugh, I cry, and I am honest with myself.

I wear my hair back so people can see my face, showing the world that I am confident and enthusiastic about where this adventure called life will take me.

I am inspired, and I will continue to March to My Own Beat!

I noticed at the bottom of their website that they had a spot about giving back. You all know that I’m a fan of helping others so I checked it out…

A Girl and Her Band believes in empowering girls of all ages, and is proud to announce our 12 months of giving program. We proudly support 12 different non-profit organizations, including ChildHelp, and Girls On The Run. We believe that we can all change the world a little bit everyday in our own special way.

Each month, a different non-profit organization will be featured. A percentage of each and every band sold will go to the featured non-profit of the month. Check back each month, and join us in supporting and empowering girls and women around the world.

OK…I was in. Then I realized that they are four moms just like me. Like us. Trying to make a difference and make a fabulous product to make our lives just a little bit easier. I got back in touch with Alana and she sent me a few bands for myself and my girls to try out.

At first I was skeptical, but once we wore them I was sold. I have never had a headband stay in place. I could put one of these bands on in the morning and it was in the exact same spot in the evening. My girls wore them out in the snow, to school, and even changed their clothes with their bands on. Nothing. They love them and the fight over which one they get to wear everyday. I am not a fan of glitter so I was worried about the glitter bands. NOT GLITTER!!!!! I rejoiced when I opened them and felt them. AMAZING. The hair ties worked amazingly well and the girls love wearing them as bracelets in-between pony-tails. These bands are moisture wicking, antimicrobial, and MACHINE WASHABLE!!! There are so many adorable choices and they can even customize a band just for you or your group!

You are probably wanting to know where I’m going with this. Well, you know I like to do things for you besides just giving you words to read. I like to occasionally offer you something nice as a huge THANK YOU for all you guys do for me. The group at A Girl and Her Band have given me the all clear to offer one lucky reader a $50.00 gift card to A Girl and Her Band. They have also been generous enough to offer ALL of you 10% off your entire order if you use the code ”yourhouse” when you check-out. You know I would not lead you astray. The girls here at casa de YKIHAYHT are in LOVE with these bands I can see another order in our near future! These will be perfect for softball season!

To enter you have options. You can do one or all of the entries. Follow both of us on Facebook? BOOM, two entries. Follow both of us on Twitter? BOOM, two more entries. Tweet out telling your friends to enter? BOOM. Entry. Visit their website, look around, then come back here and leave me a comment telling me your favorite band. BOOM, entry. SO EASY!

This giveaway will be open to entries until 11:59 PM EST on March 7. The Winner will be randomly chosen via Rafflecopter and announced on the Blog and on Facebook on March 8, 2013 and will have 24 hours to contact me at ithappensatyourhousetoo@gmail.com to claim your prize. If I don’t hear from the winner, we will rinse and repeat the process. Good luck to you all and HAPPY SHOPPING, just remember to use the code “yourhouse” when you check out!!! xo

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Filed Under: blogging, daughters, girls, Giveaway, kids, parenting, YKIHAYHT

Long Hairs and Snow Days

February 27, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 19 Comments

The other day I found a hair. A long one. On my knee. At first I thought it was just a hair from my head that stuck to my leg in the shower. Nope, that thing was attached. Be aware that when I say a long one, I mean that sucker could have been braided if only it would have had friends close by. This one hair made my mind start to wonder; How in the hell does one miss the same hair for months? How? The same reason I can’t take a good poop without having to stop halfway through. The same reason my hair needs to be colored, but isn’t. The same reason my house looks like a colony of monkeys live here. Because I have kids and they’ve been home for days, that’s why.

I have been trapped in a snowy hell for days. DAYS. I am sure that somewhere around here I have some funny lying around, but in all honesty I think my kids have sucked that well dry, kind of like my boobs. I can’t possibly stomach another game of Guess Who or another episode of Dinosaur Train. I also cannot bear to listen to myself tell my kids to stop fighting with each other. To keep their hands to themselves. To say excuse me when they rip a big burp or gag me with a fart. These unexpected long breaks are painful. So much so that the government could use it as a form of torture. You want someone to talk, lock them in a house with young children for days with minimal provisions. They would break in a matter of hours. It is so different from a scheduled break because of the lack of preparation time, the scramble to stock up on “provisions”, or maybe it is just the fact that there is. no. escape.

The first day, everyone is so excited. HEY LOOK! SNOW! Get out the gloves/boots/hats/scarves/five-hundred pairs of pants, and listen to the squeals of delight. It fills your heart with rainbows and unicorns and you are so glad that they got a few extra hours to play in it. You don’t mind the piles of wet gloves and the constant requests for hot chocolate.

Until that first snowball is thrown.

Day two brings constant snowfall. Trapped. Here is where things go downhill, and quickly. See if any of this sounds familiar:

MOM! He took my blanket!
MOOOOOOMMMMMM, she farted on me!
But MOOOOOMMMMM, I don’t WANT to watch that!
But MOM! He touched me!
Can we have a snack? I’m still hungry, can I have something else to eat? I’m HONGRY MOM!
Mom, can we go outside? <10 minutes later> Man! It’s cold outside, we are coming in!
Hey PITA, put down that frozen milk jug and put some clothes on before you freeze your wiener off! (What? You’ve never said that?)

One would think that living in the middle of Kansas in the winter that I would be better prepared for such occurrences. Well, one would be wrong. I don’t keep a file of lesson plans for snowy days. I don’t keep a well-stocked craft closet. I suppose that would be because I don’t enjoy “crafting”, but it is mainly because the thought of giving young kids scissors and glue gives me heart palpitations. ”Hey MOM, look at my pretty new haircut!” . ”Hey Mom, why do they call it a HOT glue gun? AHHHHHHHHHH MY EYE!!!!!” ”Don’t you love our new wallpaper mom? I used all the colors that you love!”

I’m not afraid to be honest with you all. The wine helps. I’m not talking about dousing myself in it every night, just a glass or two (some days three). It doesn’t make me a bad mom nor does it make me an alcoholic. It makes me real. For some it may not be wine, it may be food or pharmaceuticals or vodka or a nice hot bath mixed with wine and cookies or running away to Mexico to enjoy sunshine and drinks served by a handsome cabana boy by the pool. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do to help you relax at the end of the day. It doesn’t make us bad parents to enjoy a glass of wine or a couple of cookies or a nice hot bath. Running away to Mexico, maybe, but only if you never return.

I don’t really know where the long knee hair and snow days are connected, hell I don’t really know where I was going with this entire post, but I do know that sometimes we screw up and we miss things. Things that we may look back on and laugh about later, but also some things that we don’t want to look back on and be sad that we overlooked. We bitch and moan about having our kids home for extended periods of time. In all reality though, somewhere deep down (WAAAAY deep down) we enjoy these moments. While at the time we don’t enjoy the puddles of melted snow in the dining room and the endless games of tag in the house. We cuss under our breath about the extra loads of laundry and the constant requests to play on some sort of electronic device while munching on handfuls of popcorn. We know that these moments are passing ever so quickly. That we should treasure them. That we should enjoy them. That someday we will miss them. For now though we will laugh at our long hairs, poop when we can, and enjoy that glass of wine while watching our kids play in the cold. While working on our passports from the window.

Before you leave, do two things for me please:

1. Don’t forget to subscribe to email updates up there on the very top left. It really is the best way to ensure that you don’t miss anything and I promise I won’t spam you.

2. Don’t forget to RSVP for the free parenting webinar on Thursday night. You can do that here and I look forward to chatting with you all!

Filed Under: Children, Family, Gratitude, Humor, kids, Motherhood, parenting, wine

Don’t Be a Bloghole; HELP ME Edition

February 25, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 20 Comments

Welcome back to all you lovely writers and readers. This week I am trapped in a snowy cocoon so let’s link up a post in which we have either lost our minds or saved ourselves. A favorite craft you made, either successfully or not, with your kids. Helpful tips <sarcasm font> for surviving those days when you are trapped with your kids and/or spouse somewhere. Please, just give me hope for survival.

This time I also included places to link up your social media sites. Facebook/Twitter/Pinterest. I only ask that you do NOT ask for S4S or follow-backs. That is total bloghole behavior. Interact, be nice, and help each other out. I am so glad you are back and I look forward to reading your posts! Have fun and don’t be a bloghole! xo

What is a Bloghole?:

Someone that talks, tweets, and acts poorly in a blog. A bloghole follows another blog just to get a “follow back;” then unfollows immediately after the pay out (happens often on Twitter). A bloghole blogs with the intention of becoming popular or “making it big” (do we know anyone that has happened to?). A bloghole comments just to get you to follow them.

~Definition courtesy of Urban Dictionary

The idea for this blog hop came to me after a Twitter conversation a few months ago. After finding out that bloggers are tired of all the “rules” that come attached to other blog hops, I decided to make a place for bloggers to link up with no strings attached. You get to decide who you read, who you follow, what you like, with no pressure to follow back. Just in case you don’t remember, here are the few rules that I have established;

1. You are not required to follow anyone. This hop is for those of you that link up to gain real, true followers. As a matter of fact, I ask you not to follow if you are one of those people who will follow for a day then un-follow once that person has followed you back. If you don’t like my blog, that’s fine, I won’t have any hurt feelers about it. I understand that I am not for everyone, never have been and never will be. I would rather you not follow than follow and not read. Please, I beg you, only follow those blogs that you are really going to read on a regular basis. If you REALLY want to follow a blog, sign up for updates by email, that right there proves your long-term commitment.

2. After reading their entire post, leave a meaningful comment on those blogs that you do decide to follow. What do I mean by a “meaningful” comment? Here are some examples of what does NOT constitute a “meaningful” comment:

“now following you from YKIHAYHT ‘s Bloghole Blog Hop, follow me back at www.blah,blah,blah.com.”

“great post”

or one of my all time favorites,

“By Anonymous; great post, I wrote one just like it, you can read it here <insert annoying self-promoting link here> .” (Um, you just left your website, I think I know who you are and that you, in fact, are NOT a genius.)

3. Spread this hop all over the interwebs. Tweet it, Facebook it, Pin it, Google + it. Why? Not because I want people to come here and read my stuff, well I guess I kind of do but I want them to come find YOU as well. This Hop is all about YOU. If people don’t know about this how will they know to;

1. Come here and link up themselves, and

2. Come here and find YOU and all the other great blogs to read.

4. Be sure to put your blog in the appropriate “category”. Don’t know exactly where you fit? Choose the ONE that is MOST fitting for YOU. I know some parenting blogs are funny, some crafty blogs include food, find the one that MOST fits your blog. For example, I would put my own blog in the humor section because even though I write about parenting, I like to think my humor about it is what brings you all back. This makes it easier not just for you, but for readers as well. Let’s be honest, not every blog floats every person’s boat. If you don’t like DIY blogs, you don’t want to click on one. If you don’t like parenting blogs, or humor blogs, or giveaway blogs, or foodie blogs….you get the picture. Let’s just say I’m making it easy on you to find what YOU want to read. If you don’t see a category for you, put it in the “other” category. PLEASE let me know if there is a category I should add down in the comments below, I don’t want to leave anyone out!

So…here we go, find your category, link up your ONE, (only one please) favorite post from the past couple of weeks, read some other great blogs, and most importantly…DON’T BE A BLOGHOLE! Please only link up in ONE category, but feel free to read a little of them ALL!

Filed Under: Blog Hop, blogging, Bloghole

I Have Something to Tell You

February 22, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 24 Comments

I have something very serious to tell you. I have been thinking about this for a really long time and I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to break the news. Oh boy this is hard. I don’t even know how to tell you this. You all know I love this blog and how much I adore all of you who are here reading it every time I put some words out there. In all honesty though, it’s been hard lately, this writing stuff.

Between the recent herpes outbreak, taking a ride on the Character Assassination Carousel, making an appearance to help my friend Allison over at motherhoodwtf?, and having one of my favorite posts ever being published on Mamalode, it’s been quite a couple of weeks around here. Throw in our upcoming free parenting webinar by Amy of Positive Parenting Solutions and it’s been crazy busy around here. Don’t get me wrong, they are all very exciting things (well, except the herpes. Who ever wakes up and says OH GOOD, I have HERPES?). I love helping friends out as often as I can and one of my personal goals is to be published elsewhere. It’s part of my plan for total world domination. But I’m not gonna lie to you. I’m tired. My brain is tired. At times my heart is tired. I know, you are probably saying “Tara, suck it up buttercup. We are all busy, you aren’t special.” To that I say good gravy you are right. It is time to put on my big girl panties and get over it. It still doesn’t change the fact that my brain is giving me a big fat finger lately when it comes to having logical thoughts.

When I think about what to do here, I am torn. This blog is my outlet but some things I’m afraid to write about, some things I write half a post and then I re-read it and think…oh boy, this sucks. Some things I just know are repetitive and boring and overdone. I don’t like feeling afraid of what I write about. I don’t like feeling like I can’t publish something because I’m scared of the backlash I might get. I’m not one who enjoys using a filter out of fear and it seems like these days I have to use my filter more than I really like to. I know this is my blog and I should write about whatever I damn well please, but you all know how vicious people can be.

That makes me start to question if this is all really worth it. If I am afraid to write what I want to write, then why am I here? This is just silly. Should I just fold up shop and go back to venting to Farmer Bob, even if he doesn’t listen all the time? Do I really want to give up the community that we have built over on Facebook/Twitter/Pinterest? Something has to give around here, so you know what I decided? Are you in suspense? Do you want to know my decision? I think you do…

HELL NO I’m not giving all this up!!! Were you scared for just a minute? Please tell me your heart skipped a beat, just one. You guys can’t get rid of me that easily, are you kidding me? I guess in a way I’m kind of like herpes. Once you have me, you can never get rid of me. Things may be calm for a while, but if you just sit back and wait I will flare up on you and BOOM, I’m back with a vengeance.

So…what to do, what to do???? Well, how about a book? I’ve had quite a few people *editors note, more than one constitutes the use of the phrase “quite a few”* ask me when I was going to write a book. WHAT???? A book?? Are you crazy? You aren’t, but I am. That’s right, a book. Let’s do this.

I have to be honest, it is not just MY book. The thought of writing an entire book on my own right now makes me want to vomit. So much pressure to be good, and grammatically correct, and proper. Blergh. Blergh. Blergh. So here’s the deal, I was asked to contribute to a book. That’s right, someone besides my mother likes me enough to actually want to publish me in their book. A real book on paper, with a cover. I don’t know that I really believe that it is happening, and I may not until I have a physical copy of the book in my own hands, but I signed papers and everything so something is going down. I may have signed over my kids or my house, but that’s still something.

All I can tell you is that the book will be amazing and hilarious. So many fabulously funny writers contributed to it like my very dear friend The Underachiever’s Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess, People I Want to Punch in the Throat, and Bad Parenting Moments just to name a few. It is slated to be out mid-March so just stay tuned, I’m sure you’ll get tired of hearing about it. Just kidding on that. You will all buy it, and read it, and love it I am sure.

I’m on a book cover! An ACTUAL BOOK COVER! Look at all those awesome names! EEK!

Filed Under: blogging, Book, People I Want to Punch in the Throat, Support, Thankful, The Underachievers Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess, YKIHAYHT

Are You REALLY Gonna Eat That?

February 18, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 24 Comments

My friend Ninja Mom asked me to jump on the Character Assassination Carousel. I thought about it for about two seconds and quickly agreed. Well, I agreed to give it a shot but I get motion sickness so I won’t actually jump ON the carousel. Hell, I can’t even watch it go around and around without having to suppress the urge to revisit my lunch. If you don’t mind, I’ll just sit here in my recliner while you all go around and around and around.

It was after I agreed to this that I started to poo my pants. What book will I choose? Can I really take apart a beloved children’s book? What if the people (AKA, YOU) hate me afterwards? What book will I choose? How in the frickity-frack am I going to do this without looking like a total toad? So like any sub-par writer would do, I went looking for ~~things I could borrow~~ inspiration from some past riders/writers on the carousel. I read Frugalista Blog’s assassination of Rumplestiltskin, The Underachiever’s Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess’ deconstruction of Walter the Farting Dog, and of course I had to go back to the very beginning and read Ninja Mom’s own take on The Giving Tree. Well shit, that was a huge mistake. Not because I don’t love them all, but now I realize that there are so many great bloggers that went before me and blew it out of the water and now here I sit feeling the pressure. Oops, sorry. Excuse me, that one slipped. Pressure makes me gassy. *Deep breath, you can do this* Alright, here we go, jump aboard the Character Assassination Carousel kids, I’ll watch you from over here while sipping my drink.

After some serious combing through the littles’ bookcases (yes, that is plural because just one bookcase would not suffice), I decided to go with the one book that drives me crazy. The one book that I love to hate. The one book that really makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever. I think it is time for “There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly” to bite off more than she can chew. When I made this decision, I immediately went to Amazon to read the reviews. I thought surely someone else on the planet had a deep-seeded hatred for this book. Nope. Every review I read was about how much they LOVED this book and WONDERFUL it is to read to their kids. Crap. I’m in the minority….again. Par for the course I guess. Let me just fill you in on exactly WHY I would love to bury this poor woman in a really big box.

Nice dress Granny.

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. I don’t know why she swallowed a fly. Perhaps she’ll die

Does anyone really know why they swallowed a fly? I suppose some people in the jungle, or contestants on Survivor, may eat them for a snack, but I have really been trying to cut back on my fly intake. I’m sure they are high in protein or something, but I’m not a big fan of wings and legs and those creepy little eyes that they have. Not to mention I don’t imagine that they are very filling. Wait just one minute… Eating flies could KILL me? Guess I better adjust our summer menu. Bummer, flies are so cost-effective. Dime a dozen round here thanks to the cows and their poo.

There was an old lady who swallowed a spider that wriggled and wriggled and jiggled inside her. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly. I don’t know why she swallowed a fly. Perhaps she’ll die.

Um…yeah. You lost me at spider and wriggling inside her. That’s just gross and repulsive and wrong and did I say gross? I know the average person eats a spider at least once in their lifetime, but at least that occurs without our knowledge. Why would anyone in their right mind knowingly eat a damn spider? Who gives a flying rip about the stupid little fly that you just ate, they don’t live that long anyway, but a SPIDER? ARE YOU NUTS?

Next she eats a bird in order to catch the spider. Well, if she wouldn’t have been off her rocker to begin with and eaten a nasty ass spider, she wouldn’t need to be eating a bird now would she? I’m all for eating a little yard-bird. Fried up with some mashed potatoes and gravy, but this crazy lady is eating a whole bird. Legs, feathers, beak and all. How in the hell is she doing this? Does she have a jaw like a snake? Is she a sword swallower? My gag meter is on high alert. This is just redonk-a-donk.

See the foreshadowing? Can you guess what is up next?

As if a fly, spider, and a bird aren’t filling enough the old woman decides that she needs to eat a cat. A freaking CAT. What they forgot to mention is that immediately after eating said cat, the old woman had to be rushed to the ER to have a ginormous hairball removed from her esophagus. A cat. This is the dumbest book ever. But wait…there’s more!

After the hairball removal, the woman regains her appetite and resorts to eating a dog. It doesn’t specify the size of the dog, but does it really matter? Who in the hell eats a dog? As if there is room enough in her gut for the dog to chase the cat. I want to know how in the hell this woman isn’t dead yet. The fly and the spider I can see. They are small and easily swallowed. A whole bird, followed by a whole cat with a dog chaser? This lady is a freak of nature and has got to have the worst case of indigestion on the planet.

Just when you think it can’t get any worse, the woman swallows a cow. Not a steak, not a juicy hamburger, not a little bit of stew meat. A whole cow. I know many people don’t like to waste any part of the animal, but seriously. I can barely eat an entire steak on my own yet this old woman ingests an entire cow without even chewing it. Not even an inkling of steak sauce or ketchup first. Does she die from this? Of course not. Here are my issues with this: 1. Cows don’t eat dogs, they eat grass and grains. Herbivores, not carnivores. Very poor judgement on part of our dear old lady. 2. A WHOLE COW? This is just asinine.

Let’s not forget the piece de resistance…a horse. She swallows a horse to catch the cow. As if she shouldn’t already be dead from intestinal over-extension, she swallows an entire horse. This just in…eating an entire horse will kill you. I could buy into death by getting thrown from a horse, or being caught in a wild horse stampede, or even death by hoof to the forehead, but eating an entire horse? Cheese and rice this is has got to be the most overrated book in my bookcase.

I get that these books are for entertainment purposes, but this is just over the top for me. ”Mommy, you can’t really eat a horse.” No kids, you can’t. That’s why dear granny is dead. Moral of this story? I really don’t have a damn clue. Don’t eat yourself to death? Don’t get started eating bugs because it only leads to bigger things? If you are going to eat large animals whole make sure to wear a tacky dress? That’s the best I got. Go away Granny, you are dead.

I suppose she looks happy. I would think she would be a tad uncomfortable.

Thanks to Ninja Mom for letting me play along. I hope you enjoyed this spin on the Carousel and will share me with all of your friends. You never know, you may just find that we all share a mutual disdain for this adored children’s book. Don’t miss the next ride on the Carousel when the always hilarious Kelley’s Breakroom assassinates yet another beloved character.

Filed Under: Chores, Humor, kids, Motherhood, opinions, parenting

Do You Have Internet Herpes?

February 13, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 48 Comments

I have to tell you something. Something very serious. Something frightening and probably considered a tad too much information. Are you ready? Here we go …I have PMS. Not just any PMS mind you, this is late-thirties PMS which is quite different from late-twenties PMS or even early thirties PMS. It’s true ladies, it gets worse with every passing month. This month seems to be a bit more disappointing than the others have been and I have been spending the last couple of days trying to figure out why. Last night I had that “a ha” moment. It’s people. Partially myself, partially other people, but people in general are disappointing.

I have had these feelings for a while now, but I think this latest battle with the raging hormones has exacerbated it and brought it to an extremely ugly head. Like a big nasty pimple. This really sucks when you are a writer and you want to write something so damn funny but you can’t. You just can’t be funny. You know you need to be because the people, they like it, but your tank is empty. If you don’t write/say/do something funny the people will be disappointed. If you don’t blow people away with your witty rhetoric they could revolt and leave you to your own demise. The pressure deepens and you feel the funny recede further down into your soul. You beg the funny to come back. You plead and you scream at it. You try to entice it with cookies and wine but it just gives you a big fat finger and tells you to piss off. Come back when you are serious about being funny again. Find what is stealing your thunder and tell it to hit the road, then maybe we can talk.

I say now is the time to talk. I realized it’s the people. Not most people, but a small minority of people. I would say that there is a 99.9% chance that it isn’t even a single person who is reading this right this moment, but I can’t be certain. It’s that 0.01% of people who make it their goal every day to ruin someone’s day. Yeah, I’m talking to you assholes that think you are bad ass motherfuckers who can read someone’s blog and degrade them in the comments. You people that have to ruin a perfectly good status update with your hateful words. That woman in Wal-Mart who has to judge another for disciplining her child in a public setting while she talks on her phone and her own spawn wreak havoc in the aisles. Those parents that volunteer to help with something at school and then the day of decide they don’t want to participate anymore. What is happening to us?

My initial gut reaction is to give up Facebook. It seems like that is where the most drama exists, but I’m not gonna lie. I need Facebook like a stripper needs a pole. I have had so many positive things come from Facebook both socially and professionally. Wait? Did I just say professionally, does that make me a professional? It helps me realize that my kid isn’t the only one who eats her boogers or puts his finger in his butt or asks a teacher if it’s OK for him to play with his balls. What? Your kids don’t say that? It helps me feel like less of a failure as a wife and a mother on those days when I don’t feel like cooking supper or if I admit that my kids are driving me crazy. We all need that reassurance that we aren’t alone and I get that from Facebook, sometimes on an hourly basis.

Unfortunately it also brings out the ugly in people. One terrible comment leads to another terrible comment and before you know it the hatred is spreading like a bad case of herpes. Internet herpes. I can openly admit that I have been known to suffer from this terrible affliction. Luckily for me I am able to control my outbreaks, but for so many others it is a frequently occurring, and apparently incurable, problem. You have all seen it. The tyrannical rulers of the Internet. You can write a post about babies and glitter and little baby puppies and they are all up in your business trying to make you look like you threw the babies and the puppies in a pit of fire and sprinkled them with the glitter in celebration of their terrible demise and you will burn in hell for even writing about it. This is when the outbreak begins and before you know it everyone around you is suffering from the most incredible case of Facebook herpes and and it is spreading faster than the bubonic plague. Facebook herpes is the worst disease to hit humanity in recent history. At some point every person has suffered from it, but only those who really care are interested in a cure.

I think it is time for me to let you in on a little secret. Now, we have to keep this super hush-hush because this has NOT been approved by the FDA and don’t need them all up in my business. I have the cure for Internet herpes. If you enjoy your raging case, then by all means I will give you a second to go ahead and leave…You still here? Good, that means that like me you desire to cure this terrible affliction. Are you sure you can handle this? It is an intensive process, but I think it will be worth the effort. This is so earth shattering it could change the internets forEVAH. Ready? You may want to be sure you are sitting down….here we go:

Holy shit. Can you believe it? Take a minute to pick yourself up off the floor and process what just happened here. Isn’t it a miracle cure? Together we can do this. If you don’t have something nice or constructive to say, shut your pie-hole. If you come across a status infected with the herp, just walk away. Don’t feed the herpes monster, just be nice to each other. Such a simple concept really, but I think if we all join together we can eradicate this terrible disease one comment at a time.

Filed Under: blogging, Facebook, Humor