I don’t know if you guys are acquainted with my friend Jen of People I Want to Punch in the Throat, but if you are not, WHERE IN THE HELL DO YOU LIVE, UNDER A ROCK?? It was only after I spent hours upon hours reading her blog (thanks to a mutual friend sharing it via Facebook), that I decided to start this little project of my own. You heard it here, I had been debating it for months, but it was Jen who unknowingly pushed me into this blogging bit. If you want to blame someone for this, blame her. You can only imagine how surprised I was when she emailed me a while back and asked me to not only read her book (which I was going to do anyway), but to write my own review of it here on my blog. In return she would give me an autographed copy to give to one of you lovely people. For free. Of course I immediately responded to her with an over-exuberant YES, then immediately began pooping myself. What in the hell do you say about someone who you truly believe is all that and a bag of chips?
When trying to decide how in the hell I was going to write a post about her I kept coming back to my dear, sweet Johnny. I know, you are now rolling your eyes and screaming at your computer, “What in the hell Tara! Do you have to mention him in every post? This is supposed to be about Jen, not Johnny”! It has taken me weeks to write this post and in the end, I decided that in order for you to realize the magnitude of my adoration for Jen, this was the only logical path I could possibly take. In all reality, this post has nothing to do with my Johnny, I am merely using him as a point of comparison. The way I look at it, as much free publicity as I give him, he at least owes me this one post. For Jen. This is all for Jen. Back to Jen. Yes, Jen. Focus, regain the focus. Just one picture? Please just one picture? Hell, it’s my blog and I say just one picture.
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| See, even Johnny is reading it! |
I started thinking about ways in which Jen and Johnny are similar and I was flabbergasted at the similarities:
- They have both had their brush with greatness. If you remember correctly, Johnny and I crossed paths back in September, and Jen and I crossed paths just a few short weeks ago. While I know it was difficult for both of them to let me go, they both understood that it must be done for the good of the YKIHAYHT family, and this blog. If I had run away with either one of them, it would have been devastating to tens of people, five of those being my littles, one being Farmer Bob, and maybe even my mom.
- They both have hundreds of thousands, some would say maybe even millions, of fans. I can totally see how this could have happened.
- They both have two kids, a girl and a boy. I will not turn this into a contest, but only two? Come on you guys.
- Johnny has recently opened his own publishing company. Jen recently self-published her own book. I read that he is looking for “lesser known” writers. Jen, I am sensing a window of opportunity here. I would be more than willing to help you further investigate this possibility. It would be hard work, and I am certain it would entail long private meetings and quaint private dinners involving bottles of expensive wine, but I would be willing to do it. For you of course. It’s all about you. I am just here to offer my assistance.
- Jen does in fact have a vagina, while Johnny I am certain, has a penis. I have seen them both in person and while they both did have pants on, I feel pretty confident making this statement.
- Jen was not afraid to meet me for lunch to sit and talk for a couple of hours. While I may have scared her slightly with all the yelling due to a plugged up ear, she sat there so pleasantly nodding and smiling giving no indication that she may be uncomfortable. Johnny on the other hand….I’m still waiting for that call/email/restraining order.
- Johnny makes blockbuster movies and millions of dollars, is able to jet set all over the world, and owns his own island. Jen writes an amazing blog, is one of the funniest people I know, yearns for a mini-van, and spends most of her quality time with The Hubs, Gomer, and Adolpha while keeping up residence in the great state of Kansas. All the cool people live in Kansas (or visit, or can even find it on a map), bet you never knew that.
- The biggest difference I have noticed is that Johnny, as far as I know, has not written an amazingly hilarious holiday book. Jen on the other hand, has not only written an amazingly hilarious holiday book, she self-published it and is promoting it all on her own.
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If you don’t mind, could you please give me a vote over at Circle of Moms? I’m participating in their Top 25 Family Blogs and could really use your votes. Click here and click the vote button. When you are done, Jen is vying for Top Book Author Mom, so be sure to click here and vote for her as well. We both greatly appreciate all your support
Comments
I promise I’m not trying to cure anything or enlarge anything or sell wet enlarged cigarettes! I just love reading what you all write!!! I need my daily fix or I go crazy!!!! Have a fabulous day and thanks for having such an awesome contest!!!!
I’ve always said I didn’t want a traditional publisher because they wouldn’t “get” me, but now that you’ve told me Johnny has his own publishing company I might reconsider. If you could negotiate a deal on my behalf – preferably over long walks on his private island’s beach – I would probably consider it. Thanks for doing the giveaway! I adore you and DG!!
I love reading what u post. U def have a way with words ans always bring a smile to my face. Keep up the good work and jenn is awesome.
I love reading what u post. Like u I to laugh at myself. My sense of humor helps me deal with life lol.
I love love love your blog!
Johnny Depp writing a book? I’d say it’s only a matter of time. The man is brilliant, as are you ladies… he’s just waiting for you to be his ghostwriter.
Hmmm…A holiday disaster turned comedy. I was attempting our first Thanksgiving get-together; my parents, my in-laws (including my SIL) and my Aunt and Uncle; in our little apartment. I was in the middle of everything and needed eggs for about 4 different dishes…dumped the entire dozen in the kitchen floor. The comedy part was the fact that my late mother, who was a confirmed cat hater (she always said she was allergic), picked up our dead cat’s urn (yes, we had him cremated) and was looking it over. She said “What a pretty cat statue”. I never had the heart to tell her she was actually holding one of my cats. I know…pitiful examples. Thankfully my disasters are small.
Favorite holiday memories both have to do with the same set of relatives. I have three male cousins, all smartasses but pretty cool guys. About fifteen or twenty years ago, one cousin was home from college and wanted to go visit some friends about 45 min away. My aunt (mom to the three boys, on the receiving end of much of their smartassery) said to my cousin, “Are you alright to drive?” to which my cousin replied, of course, “Yes.” My aunt asked,”How many fingers am I holding up?” My cousin said (with the straightest face he could), “Thursday.” It is still a running joke every Christmas.
The second, same family. The oldest of the three has two awesome little girls. At the time, the older girl was about three, and the younger one just a baby. The baby would not stop crying (there were so many people over and she was just overwhelmed). My aunt said something like, “What should we do?” The older girl, who was so shy at the time she rarely spoke, piped up, “Let’s kill her!” She does not remember this…
Tara, this was HIlarious!
Is it sad that I can’t think of one funny holiday memory at all? I know there have to be some but my mind is blank.
I swear when they come to me I’ll be back and post again, but I would still LOVE to have this book!
Funniest Holiday Memory:
Hmmmmmmmm, let’s see. When I was about 9 or so we adopted a stray kitten named Refund. (Long story but yes his name was refund) Anyways, he was a frisky one. Always finding trouble wherever trouble lies. That first Christmas with him was a continuous disaster. He got into everything! As soon as a present was wrapped and placed under the tree, well…..it was quickly unwrapped. He would climb the tree breaking every ornament in his way. We tried everything from yelling to water guns. Nothing worked. By Christmas morning we had a Charlie Brown tree and half opened presents!
That’s my favorite Johnny quote- “the best kind of prize, is a surprise!”
Funniest Holiday Memory:
On Christmas morning with our 2 year old we are heading to my in-laws and they open up the front door to meet us and as we are walking up the steps one of the dogs start to run up and jump on us and our darling little 2 year old kicks at the dog and says “Get down you son of a bi***” Obviously she had heard her father say that on numerous occasions and that was the greeting grandma and grandpa got on a Christmas morning from their grand-daughter….
Funniest Memory
When I was in oh I don’t know grade 6, it was my turn to take home the class pet. A little blue budgie named Zeke, I was so happy. Well the time came and my Mom and I were decorating the tree, she had had some “egg nog” and looked over at Zeke and said “he looks so sad all cooped up in that cage, we should let him out”. I looked at her astounded and said “No, we can’t do that!” but it was too late, she had already opened up the cage and ZOOM this little blue bullet went by my head. I was crying yelling ‘NO HE’S MY RESPONSIBILITY, I CAN’T LOSE HIM”. We chased the little bird all over the living room trying to get the little bird back in his cage (and away from the cat). All that little bird wanted was to be free for one day. We finally get him back in his cage and carry on with the holiday. When I got back to school the teacher was asking how it went, what we did, etc, etc and I was like “Nothing, it was fine, we didn’t do anything.” My Mom now has two of her own little blue budgies, I’m thinking that maybe one of these days the latch on the cage might just slip ….
I love the comparisons!! Now that you mention it, they do sound similar!
Best Christmas memory was the same time I found out there was no Santa Claus. I woke up in the middle of the night to my Dad cussing up a storm. I snuck down the stairs thinking it was Santa and caught my Dad building my only Christmas wish which was a Barbie Dream House (even has an elevator!). I actually still have the Dream House although it’s in the attic and I haven’t touched it in about 20 years.
Hmmmm funniest would have to be when my at the time 2 yr old daughter (she’s 9 now) who we were potty training, decided she had to poop and was having so much fun didn’t want to go to the bathroom.She proceeded to poop in the corner and went back to playing…yes in front of all our guests at a holiday get together!! LOL
Funniest Christmas Memory…when my little sister was 3 years old (I was 16) and I woke her up by whispering “santa came” and she screamed her head off and woke up everyone in the house…at 4am…
I was the evil big sister…
I would so love to have this book….pretty please???? Lol!!! Love your stories about Johnny.
Ah Christmas……when you finally drop into bed exhausted @ midnight only to be woken @ 4am by your 4 yr old who’s snuck by your room to the tree and opened every single present under it lol
My funniest Christmas memory is also among my most embarrassing… Several years ago, my mother had a Christmas eve party. My son was 2 and he was exhausted waiting for gifts. My step dad brought out his little tykes car. He loved it… within seconds (disclaimer, my son’s father had a super truck driver mouth that didn’t quit) My dear sweet little boy, in his little suit started cursing at the top of his lungs – slamming the car door. The entire room became silent. Older relatives and invited guests looked on in horror as this beautiful little boy let out a stream of obscenities that made me blush and seconds later – crawled into his car and fell dead asleep. It doesn’t sound as funny in print – it’s a “you had to be there” moment, as horrifying as it sounds it was actually hysterical. Not my proudest mommy moment, but funny … (eek how many people are cringing reading this) xoxo
This blog is great!
I would have to say the year my entire family skipped the traditional turkey and dressing and ordered about 20 pizzas for our Christmas meal. We had the best day that day and I have always remembered it being one of the best ones.
One of the best for me is when I was about 10 and our entire family skipped the traditional turkey and dressing and ordered about 15 pizzas for our Christmas dinner that year. Everyone was busy going to different houses that no one wanted to cook so that was what we all agreed on. It will always be one of the best years for me.
I am feeling a bit left out, while I have had plenty of warm, sweet, fun holidays;I have never really had a hilarious one. (Hmm have to figure a way to change that) The closest I can come is when I was about 8 and my sister was 6, my grandma always had a ton of relatives over Christmas eve and she always made a punch bowl full of a drink called Tom and Jerry. My sis and I couldn’t figure out why we couldn’t have any, it seemed very unfair that the grownups were drinking something named after our favorite cartoon! So this year we snuck some, I don’t remember a whole lot after that, but I do remember excessive giggling and walking into a wall. You know, now that I think about it, perhaps that drink wasn’t actually named after the cartoon?
You had me at Johnny…
Ditto what Amanda said. Johnny…
I don’t think I’ve had any Christmas’ out of the orddinary…although I don’t have kids yet!
Wow what similarities! Except the ummm major difference!! I hope I win!! It sounds hilarious
I need something funny because this season I could use a real laugh.
I don’t think I have a funny holiday memory )o: I guess one that some may think funny but made me furious and I am still steaming about was when we were at my treehugging MIL house and my SIL pulled out her new vibrator her hub bought her for Cmas and chased him around the house. Seriously, I thought I was in the twilight zone )o:<
The Christmas my dad grated his finger into the potato pancakes and we did not notice till several were eaten.
Funnies Christmas memory is the first one Hubs and I shared after being engaged, but before we were married. He was a bit of a wall flower and I introduced him to all the “good things” in life – wine, beer, liquor, cigars, etc. We flew to my sisters house in MN for Christmas. He impressed everyone by giving me a Tag Heuer watch. Then we played poker and my sister made him a vodka tonic. Then another. Then when he asked for another, she told him to make it himself – but he had not clue and it was about 8 ounces vodka, 2 ounces soda. And he spent the rest of the night throwing his guts up.
Breakfast the next morning was spend making jokes at his expense.
My funniest moment was bieng so excied to capture my sons expression on his forst xmas I fell down tje stairs while recoding him into the tree. All on tape.
Ah, Man……..I missed the give-away! I found you through Jen (People I want to punch in the throat) of course. She’s freakin’ hilarious. And by the sounds of it, you are too! Can’t wait to snoop around your blog!
when are YOU going to write a book? you are seriously too funny. i love reading your posts!!!
Heather recently posted…I made bread!
Maybe someday Heather. Right now the thought of it scares me to death!