Frankly, I’m Grateful For Douche Bags

I have been contemplating this post since Tuesday. I haven’t been able to properly form a logical post about my feelings, but damn it, I decided to turn some people’s stupidity into a positive. Here is what I am going to call a “Frankly Friday” post. Why? Because frankly, I’m grateful, even for douche bags. Here is a quick rundown of a few things I am grateful for. Warning: This may contain some questionable language. Read on, just letting you know.

Numero Uno: Professional Douche Bags. I mean really. People who don’t have a brain to finger filter. For example:

Here is my “good morning” post from Facebook on Tuesday Morning:

Good morning loves! Happy to report that I have coffee, and plane tickets. Unfortunately, I think I broke Facebook. I can’t get in via computer. Anyone else having that problem? Off to VBS this morning, have a fabulous day!!!

Perfectly harmless, right? I mean, I said “good morning”, gave a general blah, blah, blah, told everyone to have a fabulous day. Thought it was friendly and nice. Never in a million years did I expect the following “thread” (that’s Facebook lingo for the string of comments on a post).

Fan A: What is VBS?

Fan B: Vacation Bible School

Fan A: Ew. Had no idea it was that sort of page…

Fan C: didn’t realize it either. unliking.

Hold up. Did I read this right? Who let in the assholes? Here was my response:

This thread is cracking me up. What exactly does “that kind of page” mean? Just because I am not afraid to admit that I take my kids to VBS, that makes me “unlike able”? I won’t apologize for that, but if you spend any amount of time here, you would know that we have fun. If my one mention of VBS offends you, then see ya later.

True words.

Afterwards, I got to thinking about the whole absurdity of the entire thread. I mean, really? Has the internet really caused us to be so cold to each other that we judge other based on the use of the letters “VBS”? How could I possibly be thankful for this? Because it made me realize that I am the bigger person. I am the one who is not ashamed to admit that I take my kids to Vacation Bible School and to Church. If you take a few moments to get to know me, it is not what defines me as a person, but our faith is definitely something I use to help make me a better mother and person. I also drink, swear, and I know how to have a good time. If you can’t handle that, I don’t need to know you. Don’t let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya. Adios. Sayonara. Get the hell out.

Numero Dos: Other Blogs. I am certain that other bloggers must have been reading my mind this week. I read as many blogs as I possibly can during the week. It is never as many as I would like, but there are only so many hours in the day and I function better with sleep. Here are some of my faves from this week:

I was reading this post from Jenny over at Holdin’ Holden the other night and just smiled and laughed at the perfection that it was. I mean, how fitting for the day I was having. Jenny always seems to know what I need to read and is not afraid to talk about anything. Sometimes it freaks me out just a little that she may be in my head. I love her posts, and so will you, so be sure to look around for a while.

My friend Deborah at The Monster in My Closet just posted this one on Thursday and I must say, she has inspired me. I now know what to do with those little buggers, and will be certain to distribute them how I see fit. I laughed, and laughed, and laughed some more. Which was just what I needed. I simply adore her so very much, so after you read that post, read some more. Amazing.

Jen over at People I Want to Punch in the Throat always makes me laugh, but this one, her letter to Elizabeth Lloyd, is spectacular. I am certain that Elizabeth could have been one of the commenters on my post, this gal (Elizabeth, not Jen) is that damn stupid.

Numero Tres: My Facebook Friends. I can’t call them “fans” because these people have really become my friends. We converse, joke, and have a good time. They read my blog, well some do, and they encourage my mental love affair with Johnny Depp, but more importantly, they have my back. Here is just a sampling of some of the responses from the thread from Tuesday:

Don’t let the bible kick you in the ass on your way out…

Wtf?! Why are people so super douchey?! VBS for kids and a mother who drinks and says fuck?! I’m ALL IN!!

I didn’t realize this was the kind of page where we can all have unique lives and yet laugh our asses off. VBS or not.

What kind of idiot unlikes a page because the admin takes her kids to vacation bible school? Better off without that kind of person anyway.

i take my kids to VBS, pre-k chapel, church and a parebnts morning out program at church…DO NOT come to my page, as I must be the devil

.no one needs to listen to that mess coming out of your mouths…unlike this page and let us all breathe some clean air again

This thread makes me love it here even more. ♥

I mean really, how can you NOT be grateful for friends like this? I think what makes it even better, is that these are people that I have never met in “real” life. People who have taken the time to get to know me, for me. See Mom, there ARE good people on the internet!

Numero Cuatro: Orbitz.com. Finally, after my problems with Expedia, I was finally able to book some tickets for our first “real” family vacation in quite some time. And while I am not looking forward to flying with all 5 littles, at least I have learned my lessons and I will be prepared.

Numero Cinco: I was caught off guard this week when Jen (People I Want to Punch in the Throat) told me that she wrote this little article for Babble.com grouping yours truly with 10 other bloggers. I am honored that she thinks 1. That I’m funny, and 2. That I’m funny. There is nothing better than being told by your peers that what you are doing is exactly what you set out to do in the first place. Thank you Jen for your compliment, and your belief in me. (Stalker? MOI? Really? <Johnny, call me. I’m waiting> I don’t know wherever you would have gotten such an idea)

There we go, 5 things that frankly, I am grateful for. How’s that for a “Frankly Friday”? What are you grateful for?

Oh, one more thing I would frankly be grateful for, please be sure to vote for me up there for www.topmommyblogs.com. Click the little lady up top right, or that link over there at the front of the line, and your work here is done. Oh, unless you want to leave a comment, do that too. I love reading them. I promise that I read them even if I don’t comment back! Your support is fantastic, and encourages me to keep doing this

Peace. Out.

Comments

comments

TNMom says:

June 29, 2012 at 6:46 am

I did not see that thread on facebook (I have such a hard time keeping up with all yall – you, Bloggess, Jen PIWTPITT, the dumster baby chick, twins happen, DG, and about 10 others…yeah I’m kinda a mommy blogger whore, who can blame me – I love to laugh!!), anywho, if I had I would have jumped all in their shit too, that is just douchey!! I cant even wrap my head around that logic.
Happy Friday! We love you girl!
Devan

Bianca @ The Pierogie Mama says:

June 29, 2012 at 9:47 am

I like this idea, and I love your crappies but happies can’t wait to hear more hilarity…

My Daily Jenn-ism says:

June 29, 2012 at 11:11 am

I love you to pieces! I take my kids to VBS, and Church AND they go to the Christian day camp behind my house. I don’t give a crapola what people think either! BUT like you said, if they read your blog or your page they would realize that doesn’t mean they’re coming on over for a sermon. Sheesh!
xxooxxoo Great post, AS USUAL xxoo

nitty gritty mommy says:

June 29, 2012 at 12:45 pm

you are the bestest..for real…and I am so glad to virtually know you. I am so glad you finally got those tickets booked!

deborah-bryan.com says:

June 29, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Pardon me for a moment while I try to wrap my mind around people unliking for a fleeting reference to Vacation Bible School.

Nope, no wrapping is happening.

I frankly don’t expect it to. I love that we get to all be unique, lovable and loved online–that it’s not about being exactly alike but truly embracing our differences!

I am thankful for other commenters saying the same. I’m super thankful for you linking to last night’s post. THANK YOU. I too am thankful for the friends I’ve made online, who have helped me through many a tough time and brightened many not-tough ones. I’m thankful for the boys watching Daisy’s Boutique down the hall, and that–no matter how stressed out I’ve been feeling on it lately–I have a job to go to. Better still is only have to go three more times (today included!) until I’m with my family for a long weekend. I am so, so excited for that.

And thankful for you. HUGS and YAY for travel upcoming! Happy adventures!

Jen Piwtpitt says:

June 29, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Nice response to the douchebaggery that we endure daily. So many times I’ve started a piece entitled: STFU Stupid People, but it’s unending. I don’t know if it will ever be finished! (And it will never be so well formed and intelligent sounding as yours – it will be a constant stream of “Fuck you, you fuckitity fucking fucker! I gotta go, I’ll finish this when I get back from VBS.”)

What’s the proper etiquette here now? Do I say Thank you for the grateful? Or just say, “Eh, we’re cool.” and sort of slug you in the shoulder? I don’t do well with touchy feelies, can you tell? I’m grateful to “know” you too.

MegLeg67 says:

June 29, 2012 at 2:40 pm

You know how FB notifies you when someone has posted a comment on a post that you too have commented on? Well, I guess I’m thankful that they don’t do that with…I don’t know what to call them… posts by people who host pages? I am the helpful soul who explained what VBS is. If I had been notified that the post had received comments after my comment, I probably would’ve checked the response and been “blessed” with the opinion of those close-minded asshats. while I’m glad I missed the vile hate-spewing, I wish I had been able to give them my two cents. I am never out of two cents, no matter how much money I spend! I, too, sent my kids to VBS. I had non-religious friends that sent their kids along because 1) it’s fun for them, 2) it gets them out of the house, 3) hey, maybe they would learn something redeeming, and 4) MOM GETS SOME DAMN TIME ALONE.
All that aside, why the hell don’t these “offended” people just quietly think “hmm, not my cup of tea” and move on?? Why do they have to be so … asshatty??
I’d say I’m sorry for explaining to the ignorant folks what VBS is, but I guess it eliminated people we could do without on this page anyway. So. This Friday, I’m thankful we’ve exposed and rid ourselves of negative commentators. (That word always makes me laugh. I think of tators commenting on things. LOL) I LOVE your blog. Keep up the good work, Momma.

Kelly JS says:

June 29, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Found you through the hop. Ha! I missed all this. Life is so much better when we can all just accept people for who they are. I think people forget that they don’t have to post a comment. Remember the ‘if you can’t say anything nice?’ rule. This also applies to the internet. Kudos to you for taking your children to VBS (regardless of your personal beliefs..I don’t yet know what those are but still kudos). Let’s be honest if we pleased everyone this would be a really boring place Love your blog!

Kitkatkootie says:

June 29, 2012 at 3:22 pm

oh my god. you are amazing. this right here? gratitude and grace. you have it all girl. Thanks for turning something shitty into something wonderful. that is a gift. xoxoxo

Domestic Goddess says:

June 29, 2012 at 3:28 pm

You make me want to be a better Admin. Your grace and eloquence in the face of assholes. And funny too in the midst of meanspirited stuff? Talent. Love you girl. xo

The Real Housewife of Santee says:

June 29, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Great idea. I love it. It’s great to take some negative and spin that mother fucker around to a positive.

Kim Duran says:

June 29, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Way to stand up to douche bags! My child does not go to VBS but I remain a staunch supporter of YKIHAYHT and visit often!! I’m even BLOG HOPPING today because of you and I will continue to hop on over because you’re not only hilarious but inspiring too!

Jen :) says:

June 29, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Love your blog. Makes my day, always look forward to new posts. God bless you!

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says:

June 29, 2012 at 5:28 pm

I can’t believe people would unlike you because you mentioned VBS!! That is just insane! I agree – better off without people like that anyway.

One Tired Mama says:

June 29, 2012 at 5:54 pm

I always find it so interesting what makes people leave our pages. Eh, it’s their loss. Love your page and blog! Your kids are lucky to have such a great mom. Have a good weekend, enjoy church on Sunday

Kermommy says:

June 30, 2012 at 2:53 am

I am an atheist and I wasn’t either offended or disturbed that, my goodness people, some folks who believe in god have found the interweb! And have children! And are freakin hilarious! Stupid bigots.

Steph at The Healthy Mom says:

July 1, 2012 at 2:13 am

Oh my. Not only am I sending my kids to VBS next week, but I am also volunteering at the arts and crafts station. Perhaps I should not advertise that fact on Facebook. Some people are such asses. Good riddance!

Brooke Arellano says:

July 1, 2012 at 4:13 am

This comment has been removed by the author.

Brooke Arellano says:

July 1, 2012 at 4:22 am

Hi there! Stopping by from the hop! Now a new follower! Love your post! What is wrong with people?!? You said you were taking your kids to Vacation Bible School, you didn’t say you were taking them to kick puppies!! Yo go girl for realizing that THEY have problems! Looking forward to reading more.

http://crazy-mama-drama.blogspot.com/

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Crazy-Mama-Drama/259491484156846

https://twitter.com/LoveMyMamaDrama

HMM says:

July 22, 2012 at 12:07 pm

love this.. I am as messy and nonconventional as they come.. I drink like a fish & curse like a sailor. I also go to church.. pray 100 times a day, and teach Sunday School. When I started the Sunday shcool thing.. my hub and my parents said ‘you know you can’t say ‘fuck’ to kids that aren’t your own, right? ha! it’s all abount balance… we have many different sides… we should show them all. Well said..

Happy Little Feet says:

August 7, 2012 at 2:52 am

Excellent post, every one I read I love. People are crazy uncomfortable about differences it is so weird to me. I would think bible camp is great fun for the kids. That’s it but some people need everything to fit into their own box or they can not handle it. Good for you for sticking up for your self.

Load of Crop says:

August 10, 2012 at 2:46 pm

People you don’t need on your page to begin with. They have their own issues and you don’t need it. I found you on the hop. What a breath of fresh air. Thank you!!

Meredith @ The Girl Next Door Drinks and Swears says:

January 26, 2013 at 1:37 am

Our family rocks the VBS, too. And I cuss. A lot. So, there’s that.
And girrrrrrl, Professional Douche Bags are awesome. They give me a opportunity to use my sharp tongue. I had one get on my FB page and start insulting people that commented on one of the pictures I posted. I was piiiiisssssssed. Anyway. Love your blog. Write on, sister.
Meredith @ The Girl Next Door Drinks and Swears recently posted…And Everyone Lived Happily Ever After, The End.