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The other day, my dear friend The Nitty Gritty Mommy, mommy of 3 preschoolers, posted these two status updates on her Facebook page:
“Yes, yes I do have my hands full. And they are all mine. And no, they are not triplets, but the boys ARE twins. Yes, I know it goes by fast. And I know you don’t envy me, I could tell by the look on your face. You didn’t need to say it. And yes, not that it’s your business, but I am “done” having kids. “
While on the topic, let me share another little ditty with you. True Story. I once had a lady at the kiddie gym tell me “It is people like you who have too many kids who ruin things for the rest of us.”
For some reason, this just got me all sorts of flustered. For the love of chocolate, people, this woman has 3 kids, THREE!! She is not running some sort of illegal kiddie farm, what could she possibly be ruining for the “rest of us”? Is having more than 2.5 children going to cut into your food supply, or make your life less tolerable? If so, I will not apologize, you apparently need to get a life of your own and suck it up buttercup. As a mother of five myself, I cannot possibly fathom how my fertile uterus has any bearing on what happens to you.I get incredibly frustrated when people get critical with me about the number of children that I have. Yes, I have 5 kids all between the ages of 2 and 10. Yes, I am aware that I am busy. Let me just clear up a few things right here, right now:
1. Yes, they were ALL planned.
2. Yes, we know what causes that, and by the looks of things we are DAMN good at it.
3. I gave birth to Mini-Me just three weeks shy of my 27th birthday. I did not start when I was twelve.
4. Yes, they are all from the same daddy.
5. Yes, we take care of them all on our own.
6. Yes we are done. No more babies here. All necessary precautions have been taken.
To top it all off, I have recently started shopping around for some plane tickets for a little family vacay this summer. I head to http://www.expedia.com/ and put in my specifics. This is what they come back with:
 |
| SAY WHAAAAAAT? |
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??? So me, being me, immediately fired off this email to Expedia:
Dear Expedia~
I came to your site with the hopes of pricing tickets for a family vacation. Can you imagine the anger I felt when I couldn’t even receive a quote for tickets for my family of 7 because I have “too many travellers”? Why would you even offer the capability to search for tickets for up to 6 adults and 6 children if you will only give quotes for groups of 6 or less. Am I supposed to have my children draw straws to decide who has to stay home from vacation because I can only purchase 6 tickets at a time? I am not impressed with this level of service and am quite unsure at this time if I would ever suggest to anyone to use your site to schedule travel in the future. In this day and time, it is not uncommon for families to be larger than 6. Get with the program Expedia.
I have not heard back from Expedia, nor do I really expect to, but this just really rubbed me the wrong way. I suppose if I was really desperate, I could call the handy 1-800 number that they supply on their website. I could then sit on hold for hours at a time and still get no where fast which in turn would defeat the entire purpose of ordering via the internet. I could take the chance and order in 2 separate transactions and risk not being able to all make it on the same flight. Oh, sorry Farmer Bob, I booked you on a flight with all five kids, alone. I will meet you there, I promise, oh, and try have fun. Consider it a true “bonding” experience. Yeah, that would go over well. Short of offering me seven round trip tickets to the destination of our choice, I would never even think about suggesting Expedia to anyone. Ever. I will choose to take my business elsewhere.
Kudos to those of you with one or two children. That is what works for you and your family. Having five littles is what we felt we needed to have a “complete” family. The Nitty Gritty Mommy is complete with three. I have friends that are complete with six, or seven, or more. We don’t know each other’s stories, so shouldn’t we all be supporting each other instead of criticizing? It isn’t a competition for who has the strongest or most fertile uterus. Those of us with bigger families shouldn’t be ostracized for having ”too many” kids, just as those with smaller families should not be judged for not having more kids. It is what works for us and what works for you and your lifestyle. So please, keep your looks (yes, I see you counting my kids when I walk by, and no, we don’t drive a clown car) and your inappropriate comments to yourself.
Did you buy the book yet? Did you? DID YOU?? Well, you should. You should buy a copy for you, for your sisters/brothers/in-laws/friends/enemies/OB-GYN. You are guaranteed a laugh and to no longer be alone. It’s great material for those moments where you lock yourself in the bathroom for a few seconds of alone time. Don’t forget to head to Amazon when you are done and leave us a GLOWING review. Writers LOVE positive reviews!!!
Comments
I am so glad you addressed this! Why is it that others seem to feel they know better than you what your life should consist of? I have found that those who criticize the number of children someone has usually either have none themselves, or have one who is completely screwed up from “over parenting.” They themselves could never conceive of having to keep a handle on more than one because they possess no real parenting skills themselves and think no one else does either. Those people need to dry up and blow away!
I was a single parent until my daughter (now 21) was twelve. For those twelve years I suffered constant “parenting advice” from those who felt that a single Mother needed parenting advice because she couldn’t possibly handle raising a child on her own. The funny thing is, my daughter has finished college and is living and working in the big city. She did not have a teenage pregnancy as I was told she would. She did not get arrested, as I was told she would. In fact she is a productive member of society, as I knew she would be, after all that was my goal.
So I guess what I am saying is, no matter how many kids you have, as long as you take parenting responsibly and produce productive members of society who do not commit crimes and murder people in their sleep, you have done your job as a parent. The problem is NEVER how many kids you have, but how you raise them!
Rock on! Mom of five!
Honey cakes – I hail you! Personally, I’ve only got 2 bio’s – but that wasn’t MY choice, it was the Big Guy upstairs’s choice! I’d have kept going – which is why I foster & take other people’s kids. Sick, twisted? Who the hell knows – but other people should learn to shut their pie holes!
Smoochies
BTW – I’ve had to “split it up” on those stupid sites when my son was still home & we had extras in the house. I put 1 adult + 3 kids & 1 adult + 2 kids & got to pick my seats – but I know that’s not where you were going… I’m just in blonde know it all mode now… signing out before my foot lodges further into my throat
It’s your family and your business. Not everyone can handle having more than one or two kids. You’re awesome for having 5 and your sanity in tact. What works for one doesn’t work for all but no one has the right to look down on you or your friend for having children, even if they were all suprises. Hello to all the peeps on welfare popping out babies for a paycheck!
I chose to remain childless–you can ‘have’ MY quota, and God Bless you for your love! If there’s one thing I just can NOT stand, it’s someone telling someone else what they SHOULD have done with their reproductive choices! >.< As long as there’s love and enough to eat, large families are a joy–in spite of the endless hours, hard work, and dedication it takes to “make it all work.” <3
I say as long as ppl provide lots of love, a healthy happy home and can provide for them for at least the 18 years they are required to then they should be able to have all the kids they want. I’m 36, I have 3 girls, a teenager, a 2 year old and a 3 year old. That’s enough for me, but if I won the lottery tomorrow I’d be pregnant by next week! lol….but to be realistic I know I can’t afford another child so I’m done.
Had to chuckle. I am from a family of ten, I am the oldest and bossyest, My mom is the baby of thirteen, my dad was the 12th of nineteen all from one set of parents. So when I only had four, I felt really great that I didnt go into the double digets!!! Four was a breeze! LOL!!
oh lord. My brother and sister in law are expecting their fourth and it’s a struggle. But they love every second of it. And how dare people put their own shit on others about what we do in our own god damn families. I get shit for having zero kids, others get shit for having too many? I love you T, and I love your family. Don’t know you all, but I know you all enough to know you are doing it right and who the hell am I to say anything else. ROCK ON SISTER FRIEND! xoxoxoxo
2. Yes, we know what causes that, and by the looks of things we are DAMN good at it.
LOVE this! I think we have a new standard answer
I’ve got my hands full with 2…but I’ve got nothing but crazy admiration for those that have large families. I always wanted 4 kids…then my marriage imploded and I learned that 2 was my magic number. Until recently, I still thought if I met Mr. Right and he was LOADED, I’d be interested in popping out a couple more…then puberty happened and I’m quite sure when this is over, I won’t want to do it again.
I do have to confess that I’ve been one of those people counting heads as a large family walks by…mostly out of awe and intrigue on how you do it. But sometimes, I see the family in the grocery store paying w/ food stamps and then paying for cases of beer…and wonder why God or Uncle Sam would be okay with that. I’m all for people having as many littles as they want…so long as they can provide and love them!!! Your kids are lucky to have you…
How ever a family has is their business no one elses! My sister in law has 6 and yes, we don’t know how they do it (we have 2) but we don’t critisize them for having 6.
As for Expedia, I would have been calling and asking for a manager STAT.
What I want to know is how are you ruining it for the rest. I wish you would have asked that Small Gym mom that.
Also, I’m not going to stand on a soap box, but I’m not a Mom. It’s not because I’m not a good parent or don’t have parenting skills, because I have an abundance of maternal instincts. I’ve always wanted to have my own a family with four or more kids, I just don’t have plumbing that works.
Keep on breeding!
I too am a Mom of a huge family!! My spouse and I each had 2 children from previous marriage. Now we have 1 together so that makes us a large family of 7!! I love you expedia story because last year I was trying to price how expensive it would be for us to take a family vacation and got the same message!!!! LOL I too get looks and all kinds of stares which just don’t bother me anymore. Yes I am that lady in the checkout line with at least 2 children freaking out and me losing my last nerve.
I only have three and when I got pregnant with the 3rd one my mother called me a “rabbit” because I was having soooo many children. (BTW my mom had two). I don’t get it. Its not as if you are making babies and NOT taking care of them. Then perhaps that would be an issue. As far as I know there are no food, air, water shortages. I pay for my children to do the things they do. We take care of them. An you are so right. Its no body’s business what goes in or comes out of your uterus!
I can’t believe somebody said that to her. Then again, yes I can, because so many people are so freaking weird. I can’t stand the attitude that anything over two kids is just preposterous. And don’t even get me started on the hate that people spew about the Duggars. Gah, it makes me crazy!
Great post!
Well, Obviously, I think this post is marvelous. Expedia can kiss My Arse. love you
i KNOW! on our SECOND people started asking “you know what causes that, right?” are you kidding me? my sister has 7 kids and gets TONS of remarks but also compliments on how independent her younger ones are… great post!
I always love your posts. I’ve only got 2 (so far!) but totally admire moms like yourself. Apparently some people have forgotten what my mom always taught us as kids, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything”…
If I look at you as you walk by, it is out of pure jealousy!
I love the ‘i choose you’ ecard. You are awesome..and personally, I think you ARE supermom. Love you!
Ugh I’m do glad you Stopped at 5 because 6 would have been overkill!!
lol
Great post! I couldn’t agree more. I know that I cannot handle more than two, so I’m done. I don’t care if someone has 10 kids. It’s what they want to do. We all need to keep our noses out of others’ business.
I am a mother of 7 sons, and if i had to do it over i wouldn’t change a thing. Now i am a Grandmother of 7 Granddaughters and 2 Grandsons and other on the way soon! My life has been a whirlwind of awesome!!
AMEN!! Preach it!
I have 5, too…. I get alll kinds of comments. One day a lady asked my hubby if we were Catholic. He said, “No, just oversexed Protestants!” ROFLMBO!
What I like to say when asked is, “Well, I had my tubes tied after #4 but I still had #5 anyway.” That usually freaks them out enough that they shut up and go away!
I’m a mother of five kids ranging in age from 16-4. I’m also single, the office administrator to a chain of 15 retail stores, a full-time student, youth sports coach and writer. (Sometimes I have to say those words aloud to even believe them myself.)
I do not have time to workout, but, hey, I don’t have time to date either, so no worries there. I sometimes fantasize about what I would do with all the free time having just one less child to taxi to practice, swing by the ER for an emergency corn-kernel-from-the-ear-ectomy, or shepard to VBS programs all summer (hooray!) would afford me, but I wouldn’t trade any of them for anything–not even for one uninterupted hot bath, and I haven’t had one of those since 1998.
I try not to judge parents who complain that they could never pursue a degree or even a hobby because of the demands of working and caring for a mere two offspring. (My circumstsnces are unique: I work for family. My ex-husband helps out. I can function on 5 hours of sleep per night for at least an entire semester before a mental breakdown.) I do believe people are capable of more when it is truly important to them to be.
My life would be less with fewer children. Less hectic. Less stressful. Less expensive. Less fun. Less fullfilling. Less happy.
I have to say I am probably guilty of some of those comments or looks. I enjoyed your post and definately see both sides now. I have to say though that I work in a “bad part of town” and I see alot of large families that are not planned and are struggling but are still having children. So not that it is an excuse but I feel that that may be a reason I give those looks to some families. Kodos to you for having a big family and loving it.
I stumbled upon your blog a few days ago and have bookmarked it on my copmputer. I enjoy reading your posts and look forward to reading more in the future.
I’m new to blogging, but if you want to check out my blog it’s http://myyoungfamilylife.blogspot.ca/
Sorry to see you are stopping at 5. The greatest gift we gave to our children were their siblings. God bless.
I have recently started blogging & I came across your blog & this is the first thing i read. AH i love it! :]
I know loads of people with 4 kids, and it is surprising to me how SHOCKING this is to some. I think, like, 20 kids is shocking. 4? 5? 6? Meh.
Just because I can’t handle more than 2 doesn’t mean others can’t. No judgement here. Just awe.
Came from #FindingtheFunny.
ummm, you DO have too many kids!!!! Just kidding, just kidding. Trying to make you smile.
I never imagined a travel site having a limit on passangers. Good thing you weren’t booking a class trip. Imagine all the kids you’d have to leave behind?
Great post!
I just love this. LOVE it so much. I get constant–let’s call it chatter–about my 4 kids and how much work they must be, yadda, yadda, yadda. Your blog makes me smile and feel a little less lonely in the “big family” department
I’m a mother of four boys and might try for another I’m the future. I am a teacher so I manage and discipline my children very well! I love children so if you don’t that’s your problem not mine…
Wow, different experience here…I have two children & I get asked at least weekly, when, not if, we’re “going again”…um, never! I’m done! My uterus is closed for business! I don’t care how many kids other people have (unless they’re a drug addicted breeding machine with no means or desire to care for a child) so why should other people care that I’m happy with just two?
I have 8 children with number 9 on the way, and one man said to me “Havent you heard of contraception” To which I replied “Yes, and I REALLY hope YOU are using it” another awesome come back is “I really wish someone had explained it to your parents”
Im going to have as many children as I want to have and I will stop when I want to stop, when it gets ‘too hard’ or when nature says no more. Not sure what causes such a drama about people having more than 3 children. When did 3 become the ‘magic number’? It really isnt an issue in first world/developed countries. Yes there is the global population debate, but really the haters need to take it up with countries World Vision has to sponsor. Children who are educated, well raised and contribute to society are going to be in a position to help the Third World. The only exception is perhaps the USA where, due to the mega rich hogging the resources and paying less tax than the middle classes, there is a mounting ghetto class of homeless kids who cant even afford health care. Having more than 3 children would be an issue if EVERYONE was doing it, but EVERYONE isnt! So the haters need to shut up and be grateful that someone elses children will be funding their retirement, nursing home bed, hip operations and taxpayer funded services in the future.