Today one of the kids woke up with a fever. I don’t think I will run him into the doctor just yet since he isn’t complaining of anything hurting and we have no vomit or runny poop. I didn’t have any plans today so we can spend the day cuddling on the couch in our pajamas with blankets and any show he wants to watch. I will work while he takes nice long naps, laundry loads in-between temperature taking and medicine doses. This shouldn’t be too bad. So far there is no vomit, but I took precautionary measures and outlawed all dairy products just in case he gets a bad case of the upchucks. I’ve heard this flu stuff is vicious and I don’t do well with vomit. Here’s to a quick twenty-four hours. I’m optimistic that this will pass quickly and we will be back to normal procedure tomorrow.
PITA didn’t sleep too well last night. I think we may have had intermittent moments of sleep, but really the entire evening is a fog. Apparently this is more like a forty-eight hour bug. I am confident that since the fever hit 105 degrees we are on the up and up now. I have coated the house in Lysol and been doing laundry continuously in an effort to keep this from spreading like wildfire. PITA is getting tired of having a thermometer in his pit, but I just remind him that I could put it somewhere less enjoyable. He is too young to understand my jokes. I hate it when sarcasm is wasted, but damn it, it’s my coping mechanism and I’m just trying to survive here. While I love a good challenge, trying to work while holding a roasting hot thirty-seven pound two-year-old in your lap is not quite what I had in mind today. I haven’t bathed, unless you consider being drenched in sweat bathing. I smell delightful and I found a pencil in my hair. I can’t be certain how long it has been there. I sent Farmer Bob to the adult package store because if there is one thing I learned in college it is that alcohol kills germs and I intend on heading these bad boys off at the pass.
Did I sleep last night? I decided that since I was already up at 6:00 that I would finally get that shower that I didn’t take yesterday. It was nice to wash off the two-day old funk and hair growth from my pits, even if the only place I’m going is the germ infested cesspool that is the pediatricians office. The things we do to get out of the house. I was hoping that they would give the poor guy something to help him get better so that I don’t have to hear “mama, my face hurt” one more time, but instead I received the ever popular “it’s a virus”. To a mother with very little sleep this translates to “thanks for wasting my time by bringing in your kid with a fever of 105. Don’t you know that if you had waited another day or two it would have passed and you wouldn’t have had to leave your house? Leave your co-pay on your way out because I am planning my trip to the Bahamas. Oh, and chances are I’ll see you back in a couple of days because this is most likely not a virus at all. At this time I will take another co-pay and wonder how I could have missed that pesky ear infection the first time. My bad.” I don’t want to go back home. The traffic is so pretty and there are other adults driving those cars. I want to flag someone down just to have a quick conversation that doesn’t involve the words backpack, hugga-mugga, or ALL ABOARD! I think the Moscato from last night is working. I will need another dose tonight to make sure it is effective.
Oh look, the living room needs to be re-painted and I should strip the wallpaper in the dining room. The vacuum needs to be run and I found some more laundry. Where in the hell have these black hairs on my chin come from? Are those the sheep in the living room? HELP ME! I’M A PRISONER IN MY OWN HOME!!! If I don’t get out of this mother effing house soon I am going to need someone to talk me down from the ledge of insanity. It is so bad I am debating cleaning the ceiling fans. Notice I said “debating”, that is pretty serious business right there. How much more fever can one little body take? Really. More importantly, how much Barney/Daniel Tiger/Dinosaur Train/Dora can one incredibly shaky mom take? Are those men with white coats coming up my sidewalk? I need wine. Stat. And a shower. And fresh air. And more wine. Oh, look, dust bunnies. Aren’t they cute?
Woke up to a fever free house. It was like the sun rising on a summer morning around here complete with singing angels. I celebrated with some hair color, driving the preschool carpool, a trip to Arby’s, and some Moscato. Fingers/toes/legs/eyes crossed, for the safety of my mental health, that this is the only encounter we have with the plague. If the other kids do become infected, dear diary, I hope it is all at once so that I can just set up an infirmary in the living room and start running this place like a Civil War hospital. Minus the amputations, the rusty tools, and the whiskey. Maybe the whiskey because if I have to endure this again, it may take whiskey to ensure my survival.