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I Have Something to Tell You

February 22, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 24 Comments

I have something very serious to tell you. I have been thinking about this for a really long time and I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to break the news. Oh boy this is hard. I don’t even know how to tell you this. You all know I love this blog and how much I adore all of you who are here reading it every time I put some words out there. In all honesty though, it’s been hard lately, this writing stuff.

Between the recent herpes outbreak, taking a ride on the Character Assassination Carousel, making an appearance to help my friend Allison over at motherhoodwtf?, and having one of my favorite posts ever being published on Mamalode, it’s been quite a couple of weeks around here. Throw in our upcoming free parenting webinar by Amy of Positive Parenting Solutions and it’s been crazy busy around here. Don’t get me wrong, they are all very exciting things (well, except the herpes. Who ever wakes up and says OH GOOD, I have HERPES?). I love helping friends out as often as I can and one of my personal goals is to be published elsewhere. It’s part of my plan for total world domination. But I’m not gonna lie to you. I’m tired. My brain is tired. At times my heart is tired. I know, you are probably saying “Tara, suck it up buttercup. We are all busy, you aren’t special.” To that I say good gravy you are right. It is time to put on my big girl panties and get over it. It still doesn’t change the fact that my brain is giving me a big fat finger lately when it comes to having logical thoughts.

When I think about what to do here, I am torn. This blog is my outlet but some things I’m afraid to write about, some things I write half a post and then I re-read it and think…oh boy, this sucks. Some things I just know are repetitive and boring and overdone. I don’t like feeling afraid of what I write about. I don’t like feeling like I can’t publish something because I’m scared of the backlash I might get. I’m not one who enjoys using a filter out of fear and it seems like these days I have to use my filter more than I really like to. I know this is my blog and I should write about whatever I damn well please, but you all know how vicious people can be.

That makes me start to question if this is all really worth it. If I am afraid to write what I want to write, then why am I here? This is just silly. Should I just fold up shop and go back to venting to Farmer Bob, even if he doesn’t listen all the time? Do I really want to give up the community that we have built over on Facebook/Twitter/Pinterest? Something has to give around here, so you know what I decided? Are you in suspense? Do you want to know my decision? I think you do…

HELL NO I’m not giving all this up!!! Were you scared for just a minute? Please tell me your heart skipped a beat, just one. You guys can’t get rid of me that easily, are you kidding me? I guess in a way I’m kind of like herpes. Once you have me, you can never get rid of me. Things may be calm for a while, but if you just sit back and wait I will flare up on you and BOOM, I’m back with a vengeance.

So…what to do, what to do???? Well, how about a book? I’ve had quite a few people *editors note, more than one constitutes the use of the phrase “quite a few”* ask me when I was going to write a book. WHAT???? A book?? Are you crazy? You aren’t, but I am. That’s right, a book. Let’s do this.

I have to be honest, it is not just MY book. The thought of writing an entire book on my own right now makes me want to vomit. So much pressure to be good, and grammatically correct, and proper. Blergh. Blergh. Blergh. So here’s the deal, I was asked to contribute to a book. That’s right, someone besides my mother likes me enough to actually want to publish me in their book. A real book on paper, with a cover. I don’t know that I really believe that it is happening, and I may not until I have a physical copy of the book in my own hands, but I signed papers and everything so something is going down. I may have signed over my kids or my house, but that’s still something.

All I can tell you is that the book will be amazing and hilarious. So many fabulously funny writers contributed to it like my very dear friend The Underachiever’s Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess, People I Want to Punch in the Throat, and Bad Parenting Moments just to name a few. It is slated to be out mid-March so just stay tuned, I’m sure you’ll get tired of hearing about it. Just kidding on that. You will all buy it, and read it, and love it I am sure.

I’m on a book cover! An ACTUAL BOOK COVER! Look at all those awesome names! EEK!

Filed Under: blogging, Book, People I Want to Punch in the Throat, Support, Thankful, The Underachievers Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess, YKIHAYHT

Won’t You Join Me?

February 8, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 1 Comment

A few weeks ago I asked my Facebook and Twitter friends if they would be interested in a free webinar about helping us all become better parents. The response was such an overwhelming YES I immediately scheduled a date with Amy from Positive Parenting Solutions. Well, as the time is getting closer I thought I would give you all the juicy details and give you the link to the RSVP. Please, take the time to check out the site and put your name on the list! I am SO looking forward to this as I myself am a nagger and occasional yeller. I will be there right along with you ready to chat and learn! It is completely FREE, so please don’t miss out!

Get Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling

Tired of the yelling? Tired of the whining? Tired of being tired?

You’re not alone. From toddler temper-tantrums to teenage talking back, parents wonder what it takes to get kids to cooperate. If you’re tired of nagging, reminding and yelling to get kids to listen – this session is for you! You Know It Happens At Your House Too is excited to partner with Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions & TODAY Show contributor to offer a FREE LIVE training webinar on Thursday, February 28 at 9PM EST/6PM PST. Discover proven tools for your most frustrating discipline dilemmas including the 5 R’s of Fair & Effective Consequences. This hour-long investment will lead to a lifetime of peace in your home.

All you need is your computer. (No webcam required.) You’ll see and hear Amy on your screen and you can even ask questions and she’ll make them part of the presentation. Parents RAVE about this session.

RSVP today and then kick back and learn from the comfort of your home.

Webinar seating will be limited so learn more and RSVP now! I’ll look forward to welcoming you.

In the meantime, we’d love it if you could let your Facebook friends know about this exciting webinar – just click this link to share on Facebook.

About Amy McCready

Parenting expert Amy McCready is the Founder of Positive Parenting Solutions and a “recovering yeller.” She is a champion of positive parenting techniques for happier families and well-behaved kids. Amy reaches a worldwide audience with her Positive Parenting Solutions Online course and is a frequent guest on the TODAY Show and has also appeared on Rachael Ray, CNN, Fox & Friends, MSNBC, and elsewhere. In her most important role, she is mom to two teenage boys.

In unrelated news, have you picked up some slippers for Lilly? I beg you to read her and Hannah’s story here and help however you can. Don’t be afraid to ask for an additional discount when you pick some up! Tell the manager where they are going, and hopefully they will help you out! Can’t find slippers? I know I ran into this problem, there is a Paypal button where you can donate a few dollars instead. I thank you from the bottom of my heart and I know Lilly does as well!

Filed Under: Motherhood, parenting, Support, Talking, Women

A Full Serving of Laughs With a Side of Advice

January 28, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 27 Comments

Every day, hundreds of people decide to start a blog. One of the best resources for advice is to ask other bloggers, and for some reason, people come to me for advice. Little do they know that I don’t have a damn clue what I am doing here, I just pretend I do and usually just pass on the advice that I have been given. I have made many, many mistakes in my first year of blogging so instead of giving my advice, I have asked some of my very funny friends to help me. So please sit back, adjust your Poise pad, have your notebook ready to take notes, and I hope a little advice from my friends goes a long way.

Dear YKIHAYHT,

I have just started setting up my blog and I am not very good at design. Can you give me some insight into what will keep my readers visual interest? Thanks for your help~Color Blind

Dear Color Blind,

A suggestion from my friend Paige Kellerman is to always put your entire post in red. Readers love the interactive feel of having their corneas slowly burning while digesting your well thought-out content. This is stellar advice if you are striving to drive your readers one step closer to blindness.

Another important thing to remember is the organization of your sidebars. There is nothing better than the appearance that you are in fact an advertising guru and not a writer. I know personally, I love it when I try to read a blog and the ads have vomited all over the text. As a matter of fact, Anna from My Life and Kids suggests this; Before writing your first post, be sure to load up your blog with ads, pop ups, and video ads. Make sure you get paid for every single page-view before you even start! Brilliant Anna. Simply brilliant. Once you are getting rich off of those ads, Kim from Let Me Start By Saying suggests you hire someone to create some fabulous graphics to fill the inches of open space in-between your ads; The more dancing graphics you have on the sidebars, the better, she suggests.

One last item for you to consider adding just to make sure that your readers are fully annoyed before they leave. From Allison motherhoodwtf?; People LOVE opening up a website and finding that it’s musical. What a great surprise! Pick your favorite music and give your readers a chance to get to know the bands you love. Nothing would start your reader’s day off right like having to change their pants. Take it from Kerry at HouseTalkN; Adding music to your site is not good for the bladder impaired. It startles me into kegels every time. Of course this decision is completely up to you, but I don’t know too many people who appreciate a heart attack brought on by Metallica first thing in the morning.

Hope this helps you just a bit. Just remember, busy is key. You want the words to be the last thing your readers look at.

Dear YKIHYAHT~

I have been blogging for a while now, but I simply cannot figure out why I am not getting any comments. Could you please give me some helpful hints to help increase my comment count? ~All Alone

Dear All Alone~

Comments are the bloggers equivalent of a football player’s slap on the ass. JD from Honest Mom suggests you take these steps to help increase comment count; Be sure to make your would-be commenters jump through TONS of hoops to leave a comment on your blog. For example, don’t allow them to comment with their name and blog URL – make them register for an obsolete AIM or Open ID account! And of course, don’t forget to make them struggle to translate a CAPTCHA to leave a comment. We all love doing that! Ah yes, nothing like creating yet another account on another website on which you will never remember your log-in name and password. That will surely get them to come back and comment on future posts.

If you implement this plan and you are still not seeing an increase in your comments, you have no choice but to take it one step further. Ninja Mom insists you take this final step to ensure you will see an immediate comment count that would make even the most popular of bloggers jealous; Add extra layers of security. Word verification’s good for keeping out spammers, but what about testing the loyalty of your 5 readers? Consider having them complete an accounting exam, or identify all of the former US vice presidents before being able to comment. Boom.

Dear YKIHAYHT~

Everyone tells me that I should comment on other blogs in order to help promote myself, to make my blog more visible to others. I have been doing that but am not seeing an increase in visitors. What do you think I’m doing wrong? ~Too Wordy

Dear Wordy~

Maybe your comments are too long and complex. Take this advice from Robyn at Hollow Tree Ventures, it is certain to work; Make sure to leave a comment – “LOL” always works, even on a serious post – to indicate that you enjoyed a blogger’s work. Then casually mention that you’ve started following them. A request for a follow-back and a link to your blog shows that you’re genuinely interested in developing a long-standing relationship, based on your appreciation and respect for whatever it was that person wrote about, which you really did read, pinkie-swear.

If that doesn’t work, you may have to resort to using DG’s favorite comments; be sure to use the 3-two-word comments that bloggers love most…”loved it!” “well said!” and “amen sister” – this really conveys the point that the blog was total shite and/or you didn’t read it. That should really draw in the new readers. Try it and get back to me.

Dear YKIHAYHT~

I am have been working really hard trying to make a connection with other bloggers but am not getting any requests for guest posts or to join any communities. Can you help me with that? ~Anti-Social

Dear Anti-Social~

Might I suggest you take in these suggestions from these more experienced bloggers;

Meredith from Mom of the Year: If you want to be featured in a series that a blogger is running, instead of asking her to participate (or ever commenting on her blog or contacting her in any other way), write a post about how stupid the blogger is and how she was snotty for not including you. Publish the post, don’t tell her about it, and let her find it by checking her traffic sources. This is truly the best way to go about networking and building relationships within the field.

Stephanie from Binkies and Briefcases: Need a blog mentor? Be sure to research your area and find all of the big bloggers who live around you. Email them and invite them to lunch. If they say no look up their phone numbers and call them directly. Be sure to leave lots of personal Facebook messages as well. You want them to know you are VERY interested.

Anna from Random Handprints loves it when she follows a blogger on Twitter, and then finds a DM asking her to visit their site, pin to their really great Pinterest Board, join their Google+ circle, not to mention buy their eBook, contribute to their IndieGoGo fund, and of course, like their Facebook page. Because who doesn’t want to be hounded by every person they decide to follow on Twitter? I know I love DM’s asking me to follow them on Facebook. I just run right on over.

Dear YKIHAYHT,

I can’t seem to grow my readership, can you give me some suggestions on how to get more reads on my pieces? ~Struggling for Survival

Dear Struggling~

This may be a multi-level problem, first of all take this suggestion from Kathy at kissing the frog: Feel free to write in stream of conciousness style while centering your text. Don’t bother with that silly spell check – just hit “publish” as soon as you’re done unloading your thoughts. You will appear spontaneous and quirky that way.

Courtney from Our Small Moments suggests that you try this: Conventions stifle creativity. No one really cares about commas, paragraphs, and periods, especially avid readers.

Once you have the spelling and grammar down pat, you may try this advice from Jen at PIWTPITT: I love it when bloggers only write something new every three weeks or so. I make sure to take time out every day to visit just to make sure I haven’t missed something. I so look forward to that one post a month and it really keeps that blog fresh in my mind.

Since this is my blog, I suppose I will offer up this one piece of advice. Please make sure to post two or more times per day. It is super easy for me to keep up with all those posts since I have nothing else to do with my day but sit and read only your posts. Please, once you have an idea, write it and post it even if you just posted something an hour ago. No need to save that for another day when you don’t have an idea to write about.

If you get nothing else out of this post, I hope that at least you could get a good laugh. Really, these ladies are some of the funniest people I know and their expertise is second to none. None of us are perfect, but at least we can have fun and laugh about it.

Filed Under: blogging, Humor, Lists, Music, opinions, Support, Twitter, YKIHAYHT

What is Important. RIGHT. NOW.

December 15, 2012 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 30 Comments

I have been conflicted about writing about what happened in Connecticut on Friday. So many have been so quick on the trigger to put out their opinions and I didn’t want to be that one who threw out some fodder before really taking the time to think and process exactly what has happened. At first I thought to myself that I just had to put something out there. I needed somewhere for my anger to go. I needed an outlet. Then I made the mistake of getting on my social media sites and found my anger going somewhere I didn’t really want it to go. I immediately logged off and curled up on the couch with my kids for a while, then baked some cookies, and decided that writing out of anger was not a good idea. Today I have had limited access to my social media, and the few minutes I spent checking in on things, I remembered why I had logged off yesterday. I was left asking myself this question, and I suppose I am asking you the same; What is really important here?

When this tragedy first hit the news, all I could think about was how horrible I felt for these families, the victims, the survivors, the community, the country. There was a pit in my stomach that brought tears, sadness, anger, fear. Tears and sadness for those parents who sent their children to what is supposed to be a safe place and now they will never be able to tuck them in at night or kiss their angel faces. Anger that someone could commit this heinous act against another human, let alone defenseless children. Anger that so many people are so insensitive and self centered. Fear in my heart that not even our schools are safe anymore. Fear that I am here raising five children in this world so full of uncertainty and hate. Fear that my children will not be allowed to be the children that they should be, but instead they will be forced to be children who are constantly looking over their shoulders unsure of the dangers that are lurking behind them.

Like so many others, I turned to social media for information, for a place to find guidance and help, a place to share my emotions, a place to comfort not only myself but my friends. What I found instead was anger. Not anger towards the coward that committed this act, but anger towards each other. Anger not about what actually happened in that small town in Connecticut, but anger over a political issue. Anger that brought out words that I was disgusted to read so soon after such a tragedy. Words that were meant to hurt others and incite an argument. Words aimed to divide and separate us instead of bring us together. Words so unnecessary in the moment that it was then that I realized my mistake and immediately logged off. Two simple words really. Two words that are a hot debate, a hot political item. Two words that, to me, have absolutely no right being discussed on the day of, or the days immediately following, a tragedy such as this. Two words that cause such a divide in this country that it brings out the worst in people. Two words; Gun Control.

I am not a card carrying member of the NRA, nor am I anti-gun, so before you go all bat shit crazy on me I ask you to just read and think. I am a mother. I am a wife. I am a citizen of the United States. I have my own thoughts and I will not push them on you and I ask you to do the same for me. I have very mixed emotions on this entire issue and I am not looking for someone to sway me one way or the other. I am not looking for a debate on why we need more control or why we don’t. What I am looking for is some compassion. Some understanding. Some separation. Some support. Some love.

I have a very difficult time understanding why, in light of such a terrible tragedy, everything is turned into a political platform. Yes, it is unimaginable and horrific what happened in that beautiful school. No, I do not see what politics has to do with what happened at this. exact. moment. I truly, in my heart, do not believe that bringing up the topic of gun control makes a damn bit of difference at this very moment. This is the type of change that takes months, if not years to make. The type of change that is riddled with arguments, anger, and resentment. The type of change that isn’t going to change what happened in that elementary school. These families, these children, this community don’t need to be subjected to the debates and hate speech aimed at the opposing sides. They need to be shown that we are truly joined together in support. That we are praying for them, meditating, thinking, lighting candles, however you show support and love for those who need it.

Now is not the time for arguments. Now is the time for help, and for healing. This community has a long road ahead of them. Funeral arrangements to be made, decisions about their school, grieving, crying, healing. Now is the time for the rest of us to quit bickering for just a few days and think about what is really important RIGHT. NOW. Right now at this very moment. Right now there are twenty sets of parents grieving for the loss of a child that was supposed to outlive them. Right now there are seven families grieving for the loss of a parent, spouse, cousin, sibling. Right now there is a community drowning in sorrow. Right now there are survivors dealing with emotions that those of us who were not there could never imagine. Right now there are families who have gifts under their tree that will never be opened. Right now we, as a country, need to help lift them up and show them that we do care about them. Right now is the time to help, not argue. I beg you to please stop the arguing over gun control. It isn’t helping this community. It isn’t helping anyone RIGHT NOW at this very moment. We can debate next week, why don’t we HELP this week?

Here are just a few ways that you can help RIGHT NOW. If you know of other ways to help, please leave a link in the comments. My comments are moderated, so once I have verified, they will be published.

Life According to Julie: Helping a Family Who Has Lost Their Beloved Son.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/14/connecticut-elementary-school-shooting-how-to-help_n_2302760.html

http://www.nbcconnecticut.com/news/local/How-to-Help-Victims-of-Newtown-School-Shooting-183635951.html

Filed Under: Compassion, Connecticut, Help, Support

Do You Need a Day Off?

September 10, 2012 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 33 Comments

I am just going to admit it, I’ve been in a slump. I can’t call it writer’s block because I actually CAN think of topics to write about, but it is the actually writing process that I am having a problem with. I am going to attribute it to the craziness that has been my life the past two weeks with back to school, starting back to work, and trying to find our “schedule”. I know, excuses, excuses. Well, I decided to take it to my friends, so I asked on Facebook on Sunday what the people who read what I have to say on a regular basis want me to write about. I had great responses to my request, enough that I think I shall deem this Facebook week here on the ol blog. The comment with the most “likes” (over 60 at last look) was from Andrea and this is what she wants to know:

How to get partners to participate more with their Children! Sooo sick of hearing “I work all day you stay home and do nothing” any SAHM knows its NOT easy! Especially when another is coming! Then on their days off they don’t want to help because it is THEIR day off. Where the hell is my day off?

I must first say that I will not refer to moms or dads, only partners, during this post because I have gotten to know quite a few stay at home dads that work their asses off on a daily basis as well. When thinking about how to attack this post I kept thinking about my This Journey Called Motherhood post from last month. I think it is so hard for us stay at home spouses to juggle it all. Cooking, cleaning, homework, changing diapers, take one kid here, take one kid there, pay the bills, you know what I mean. It seems as if the list never ends. I decided, for just a minute, take that list and forget about it. Now imagine that you are the one getting up every morning. You leave behind your little people and your home, and you head to a job that at least 3 out of 5 days you do not enjoy but you go to because your family is depending on you for survival. If it isn’t for that job you have no home, no food, no car, no money. The pressure is really on.

For me, I will take the cleaning and the “menial” work that comes with staying home over the pressure of providing all the financial support for my family. I know how stressed Farmer Bob gets at times, especially since we have been in a drought, and I feel so stressed for him. I would understand to a point why he would need a day on the weekend to decompress, but he also understands to a point why I need the same thing. It wasn’t always this way. We have had our moments of disagreement and selfishness, but we have learned that parenting is also a sacrifice. Parenthood is such a learning process and I can remember Farmer Bob and I having this same lively discussion about who really needs a “day off”.

When you bring home that first baby, you have this picture of perfection in your mind. I will wake up every morning with a smile on my face, send my spouse off to work with a kiss and a smile just like a 1950′s housewife. I will spend my day teaching my baby everything he needs to know and when he naps I will clean the house, do the laundry, and cook supper. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Seriously, those pregnancy hormones can do crazy shit to your brain. Those first few months when baby sleeps most of the time and you actually do get things accomplished are so deceiving. Before you know it all hell breaks loose and you realize that maybe, just maybe, raising this little person is not always going to be all peaches and cream and that you can NOT do it alone. You find yourself deeply conflicted about your decision to stay home and raise the babies.

Hands

Not only are you learning how to be a stay at home parent, but your spouse is learning how to be a working parent as well. They are learning how to balance being gone all day and playing catch up when they get home. I don’t know this for a fact, but I would imagine that there would be a small amount of guilt felt by them for missing out on all the things that we stay at home parents get to witness. Those first smiles, those first giggles, those first steps, that first time they find a pair of scissors and cut out a chunk of hair. Just as we have moments of jealousy that they get to leave the house ALONE every day, they have those same moments when they walk out the door. Maybe not every day, like when the kids are screaming at each other as they are heading out, but I am sure that they have them. You will never know if you never ask.

Your partner, the financial provider, goes to work every day. They have no idea what you do while they are gone they just know that they come home, the house is clean, dinner is cooking, and they have clean clothes to wear. They have no concept of exactly what type of miracles you had to perform in order to do those tasks. Communication is key in sharing with them exactly what it took to get it all done. They don’t know that you had to hold a screaming baby in one hand while running the vacuum with the other. They don’t know that you had to keep a busy toddler from throwing all the laundry on the floor before, and after, you had a chance to fold it. They don’t know that you were busy body blocking the kids from touching the oven while trying not to burn the hamburger you had cooking on the stove. Your partner will most likely tell you about their day, shouldn’t you tell them about yours?

Parenthood is such an ever evolving process. Just when you think you have found your “comfort zone” something changes. A new job, a new milestone, a new baby. Communication is essential to your emotional survival. If you cannot communicate about how stressed you are and how you need a “day off” as well, your relationship and your kids are going to suffer. Yes, it is so important for both partners to have time alone. I look forward to it, even if it is just to go grocery shopping or to go to school to volunteer. When I am gone, I find myself looking forward to returning home…later.

More importantly, it is imperative for you to say to your partner; hey, I know you are tired after a long week of working, I’ve had a long week too. How about we go do something as a family to unwind? Go to the park, go to the zoo, just go out and do something that you all enjoy. You may be surprised how quickly both of you forget about how stressful your week was and exactly how wonderful your family is.