parenting

The Power of Girlfriends

May 28, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 3 Comments

This weekend I received a lovely surprise visit from my Bestie. We have been best friends since 1987 so I am quite certain that she knows more about me than anyone else on this planet. She was there when I met Farmer Bob, she was there when I married Farmer Bob, she’s always there when I need her to be. Always. As we were talking above the screams of our children it dawned on me how much we all need that one friend, or group of friends, that simply understand. That listen without judging or criticizing. That give advice without being condescending and that laugh when we need them to laugh. That aren’t afraid to tell us to shut the hell up when we aren’t making any sense. That may not always agree with what we are saying, but are willing to listen anyway. That give us that little reminder that we aren’t alone.

Before you get all worried about Farmer Bob and his feelings, I’m not talking about significant others here. I’m talking girl. friends. Farmer Bob does many of those things (especially telling me to shut my pie-hole), but you know as well as I do that there is just nothing like venting to a girlfriend about “things”. He doesn’t want to talk about my saggy boobs and my menstrual cycle. He doesn’t give two shits about what kind of laundry detergent I use or what I put in that salad. Unless it has to do with tractors, grains, cows, or sex he just doesn’t really care. I probably shouldn’t say he doesn’t care because he does, but you girls know what I mean. <speaking of shutting my pie-hole…NOW, do it NOW>

There is something relaxing about sitting on the couch or around a table with your girlfriends. Something that releases those tight muscles and loosens the tongue, and I’m not just talking about the effects of the wine. You lose some of your inhibitions and the words start to spill out of you like the milk out of the jug when your toddler drops that full gallon on the kitchen floor. When it’s just you and your amigas, nothing is off-limits. Only with the girls do you feel comfortable talking about the post-childbirth floppy butterfly, or the fact that you have to pick up your boobs in order to fit them securely in your bra. No one else but the girls can relate to the fact that while you may be losing hair from the top of your head, you are finding it on your lip, or your chin, or your <insert random body part here> .

No one but other mommas ‘get it’ when you mention something about your desire to tell your kids to quit being inconsiderate assholes or wanting to scream at them to just PICK UP THEIR SHIT. The dads, they get it, honestly they do, but it’s different. They have a gift that we just don’t. The magical ability to ignore. Ignore all the asshole behavior until the magnitude of assholeyness has reached a level that even the hubs himself could not surpass. Asshole level: Defcon 5. This is not going to be pretty. One massive explosion of orders and dad has his offspring cleaning faster than a crew of Merry Maids. If I were to attempt to use this method, PITA would probably flash me a quick view of his wiener and run off and dump out a bucket of Legos while laughing his cute little meniacal laugh.

When we are having one of those shittastic mothering days or feeling like a less than stellar wife, it is hearing those equally horrifying stories from your friends that make you feel less like a failure and more like a normal person. It is knowing that you aren’t the only one cleaning boogers off your television or walking away from lunch because your toddler is throwing a tantrum over the way you cut up his hot dog. Realizing that your friend also shoves Cookie Crisp in her mouth as she’s walking out the door because there wasn’t time to eat a better breakfast. Having that ‘A HA’ moment when an amiga tells you that she just doesn’t feel like being touched in a sexy way after being groped by an octopus all day long. There is a feeling of normalcy that overtakes you knowing that your kid isn’t the only one to take a dump on the sidewalk or that you aren’t the only one that gets tired playing cruise director and party planner.

So I guess where I was going with this is that if you don’t have you some girlfriends that you can dish with, you have GOT to get you some. As my bestie said so eloquently after our visit, “ just a few hours with my bestie is like a massage, therapy session and a Xanax all rolled into one”. You don’t get better than that.

Have you missed some posts? If you put your email address up there in that little white box on the top left, you won’t miss again. BOOM, they show up right in your in-box. Isn’t that AWESOME?

Filed Under: Friendship, girls, Gratitude, Humor, Love, Motherhood, parenting, Thankful, Women

Mom, Are We Poor?

May 8, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 22 Comments

What. In. The. Hell. Not quite the question I expected to get from my eleven year old as I conducted my normal post school day interrogation Upon further questioning it came to light that a classmate had asked her if we were poor because she didn’t have any school pictures to bring home like some of the others. If there ever was a time in which I ever wanted to suggest to my child to tell someone to fuck off and mind their own business, this was it. Um…have you seen school pictures lately? Horrendous. Besides, the condition of my checkbook is no business of a fifth grader. Not even my own.

After drying her tears and reassuring her that we are in fact not poor, I felt it the opportune time to inform her that we are not what many would consider rich either. While we are not financially strapped and are able to provide our kids with the things that they need, it takes some planning on our part to be able to give them the things that they want. More importantly I wanted to stress to her that while we may not be monetarily rolling in the dough, we are rich in so many other ways. Ways that she may not understand at this exact moment. Ways that don’t agree with her “cater to me right now” mentality. Ways that maybe some of her friends don’t get to enjoy.

We live in a ninety-year-old house. Not just any old house mind you, Farmer Bob grew up in this house. While it doesn’t have sparkly new fixtures, cable TV and brand new carpet, it has things that are so much better. It has character and memories and an outhouse. We have a fort in the trees and hay in the barn to play hide and seek in. We have open space to play baseball in the yard and plenty of room to get away from each other if we need to. We have food on the table and clothes on our backs. We have fun together, we fight, we argue, we love. We are a family.

Being rich in the monetary sense would be fantastic don’t get me wrong. To not have to worry about how to cover this bill or that bill, to be able to give our kids a few of the things that are wanted whenever desired would be an amazing feeling. The question I have to keep asking myself is would I be willing to sacrifice so many wonderful moments in order to have the financial stability to satisfy what would undoubtedly become insatiable appetites for shit that serves no other purpose than to allow our family to slowly disintegrate into seven separate entities instead of one strong familial unit? The answer to that…HELL NO.

It is never easy to tell our kids no, you don’t need that. As parents we have this primordial desire to provide for them, to satisfy their every desire. We feel as if we are failing them if we can’t serve them everything that they want and need on a silver platter. Maybe we are actually failing them if we do throw all their earthly desires at their feet with no request for repayment. Are we raising a generation of entitled assholes? I hear how kids talk to their parents, my own included. I see the look of fear in a mother’s eyes of what might happen if she says no to that toy, my own included. It scares the shit out of me. Scares me that as parents we allow it. That it seems that we really are raising the kind of adults that we ourselves can’t stand to be around.

What scares me even more is the thought that these kids won’t grow up to appreciate the things that don’t cost a fortune. That they won’t understand that you don’t have to be rich in the financial sense to be rich in so many other ways. That family comes first and the rest of it is just “stuff”. That we have riches that far exceed anything that money can buy. That in fact, some of the best things in life truly are free and can’t be captured in some stupid school picture.

Filed Under: Children, Chores, Family, Gratitude, kids, Love, Motherhood, parenting, Uncategorized

Parenting Skills I Picked Up Playing Those Pesky Board Games

April 24, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 4 Comments

We play a ton of board games around here. “Mom, can you play a board game with me?” is one of the most popular questions around here. Sometimes it is the same game for a few days in a row and at times, with a little prodding, we can switch it up to something a little more exciting. As I was returning lost pieces to the game closet, I perused our selection of games and started thinking (which is always dangerous) about how playing these games as a kid myself unknowingly prepared me for parenthood. You with me so far? Here we go:

Guess Who: You know the crime, but who did it? Do they have blonde hair? Do they still poop their pants? Do they have a vagina or a penis? Can they read? Wipe their own butts? Speak in full sentences? Are they clothed? Do they have food in their hair?

Clue: Very similar to Guess Who with the added stress of discovering the crime and the weapon of choice. I suspect it was the five-year-old, in the living room, with the permanent marker. No? How about the eight-year-old, in the closet, with the scissors?

Chutes and Ladders: You bust your ass to get all the way up to the top only to slip-up and have to slide all the way back to the beginning. Relevant for things like potty training, eating with utensils, turning laundry right-side out, and of course proper table manners. Didn’t we just have the discussion last night about not farting at the table?

Memory: Who has practice tonight? Where is that concert? What cookies? How many kids do I have again? Where is my grocery list? Why did I walk into this room?

Operation: The one game you see as pointless until you need to remove that splinter or that bean from someone’s nose. How in the hell did you get rocks in your butt? Is that a Lego in your ear? If you don’t poop soon I’m going to have to help you out. I promise, this will only hurt for a second.

Monopoly: You bust your ass to save money and in the blink of an eye some asshole has taken it all. This game also taught us the fine art of patience because it. never. ends.

Perfection: Working under pressure seems to work pretty well until you run out of time and all hell breaks loose. You scream, you yell, you pee just a little.

Risk: Logistics. Trying to decide if you really want to head into the tween’s bedroom for a surprise cleaning? Do you have big enough balls to attempt to overtake the enemy that is the shithole they live in? Once you conquer one enemy you have to re-evaluate your troops (AKA, your caffeine intake) to see if you have the supplies to attempt an attack on the next. If you go in unprepared, make sure to have an ample supply of reinforcements for afterwards (AKA, wine).

Hungry Hungry Hippos: Quick, shove all the food in your mouth. Meal time really is a race to see who can get done first.

Mousetrap: Chase them around all day long, but you aren’t going to catch them unless you construct some high-falootin contraption…that works. All else fails, offer cheese.

Don’t Break the Ice: You can tiptoe around all day in an effort to keep everyone safe and happy, but one wrong move and you are screwed.

Battleship: You have to ask around in order to find that permission slip for the field trip or that one missing shoe. Where is the TV remote? I know I had that secret stash of chocolate somewhere. You never know where it is, but with the right questions and the use of the fine art of elimination, hopefully you can find what you were looking for.

Trivial Pursuit: You think you know everything that your kids are doing but in reality, you know JACK. SQUAT.

Who wants to play with me?

Are you in the Kansas City area? Clear your schedule for Saturday, April 27 and come join myself, Jen from People I Want to Punch in the Throat, and Stacey from Nurse Mommy Laughs for an I Just Want to Pee Alone book signing event from 10:00-12:00 at The Mommy Shop, 14870 Metcalf Ave, Overland Park, KS. There will be snacks and more importantly mimosas. We would love to see you there!

Mother’s Day is quickly approaching. You know what would make great gifts? These books right here. You need them. Your mom needs them. Your mother-in-law/aunt/grandmother/teacher/neighbor/best friend need them. You won’t be disappointed, I promise.

Filed Under: Children, Family, Humor, kids, Motherhood, parenting, Uncategorized

In the Blink of an Eye

April 16, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 13 Comments

In the blink of an eye you are no longer just a couple.

In the blink of an eye your life is no longer just about you.

In the blink of an eye you become a parent.

In the blink of an eye your munchkin is sitting up, feeding herself, interacting with you.

In the blink of an eye your baby is a walking, talking human.

In the blink of an eye you aren’t changing diapers and wiping little butts.

In the blink of an eye they can color inside the lines and write their own name.

In the blink of an eye they are getting their own cereal and pouring their own milk.

In the blink of an eye Chutes and Ladders is replaced by Monopoly.

In the blink of an eye they stop asking for apple juice and start asking for pop.

In the blink of an eye they no longer want to snuggle on the couch, but want to be left alone.

In the blink of an eye they are smarter than you.

In the blink of an eye your girls are fixing their own hair and asking for makeup.

In the blink of an eye your boys are talking about their balls and the smell of their farts.

In the blink of an eye your kids don’t need you to read them stories. They can do it on their own.

In the blink of an eye the boys don’t want to kiss their mother anymore.

In the blink of an eye your little girl is asking for bras and talking about her uterus. And boys.

In the blink of an eye the pants that fit them yesterday are two inches too short.

In the blink of an eye they can make their own decisions and learn from their mistakes.

In the blink of an eye you are no longer mommy and daddy. You are now just mom and dad.

In the blink of an eye they start Kindergarten. In the next blink, middle school. In the next…you are afraid to blink again.

In the blink of an eye you realize they are growing up and there is nothing you can do to stop it.

In the blink of an eye it could be gone.

What are you doing in-between blinks?

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Filed Under: Boys, Children, Compassion, daughters, Family, Gratitude, kids, Love, Motherhood, parenting, Sons, Thankful

You Might Be a Parent IF…

April 11, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 19 Comments

The other day I lost it. Not in a I went bat-shit crazy kind of way, but in a this is so absurd I can’t help but laugh at myself kind of way. When we become parents we seem to make an instant transformation. Sort of like Superman in the phone booth; Average Joe going in, superhero when we come out. Only difference being that it seems that we never take off our capes. Bear with me as I delve into parenthood and some ways we seem to transform into real-life grown-ups, Jeff Foxworthy style.

You Might Be a Parent IF...

You might be a parent if….

You can brush your teeth and hold your 3 year olds wiener while he pees.

You can brown up some hamburger, fix someone a drink, and cut up some veggies all with a baby on your hip and a toddler or two flailing on the floor because you aren’t fast enough with the milk.

You can stop mid-bite to go wipe someone’s ass only to come right back and resume business as usual.

You can whip up six dozen cookies at the last-minute when your kid tells you they forgot that they needed to take snacks for the school program….which happens to be tomorrow.

You aren’t afraid to catch vomit in your bare hands.

You can lay down on the couch and still know exactly what your kids are doing. With your eyes closed.

You take your kids out to dinner and you spend more time in the bathroom than you do at your table.

You can answer all their questions with movie quotes. ”Mom, what’s cannibalism?” ”Mom, what’s a hazmat suit?”

You schedule all well child checks months in advance so that you are guaranteed an on-time appointment but you can’t remember to schedule your yearly hoo-ha check.

You can’t remember to take your grocery list when you go shopping but you know exactly where Sally’s red sparkly headband is that she wore three weeks ago.

You can play two different board games at the same time while catching up on your Words With Friends matches, and you manage to win them all.

Your most popular phrases are “get your finger out of your butt”, “we don’t eat boogers for lunch”, and “no, I don’t want to smell your fart”.

Your living room decor no longer consists of beer can pyramids and wine bottle trees. Instead you discover non-commissioned works of art using mediums that you are certain should be removed by men in hazmat suits.

You can change a diaper in the dark and not leave any residue behind.

You can tiptoe through a bedroom at three in the morning and not step on a single Lego, but attempt it in the daylight and you are damning them all to the depths of hell.

You aren’t against taking a glass of wine and your tablet or smart phone into the bathroom and locking the door, whether you have to poop or not, just for a few minutes of alone time.

You do laundry because hampers are full, not because you have a shirt that is dirty that you want to wear to the bar tonight.

Parenthood has changed me in ways that I never thought possible. While we may not be huge fans of some of the things we do now (I for one am not a lover of vomit), we wouldn’t change any of it. Except maybe the poo on the walls.

How have YOU changed, for the better, since becoming a parent?

If you aren’t reading these books, you aren’t the people I thought you were. Click on them. Order them. Put on a Poise. Read them. Laugh. I promise you will.

Filed Under: Boys, daughters, diapers, Family, Humor, I Just Want to Pee Alone, kids, Motherhood, parenting

Parenthood: It’s Nothing Like the Movies

April 3, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 6 Comments

Parenthood ain’t fancy and it ain’t a cake walk, I think we can all agree on that. ~~Most~~ All of the time I wish this shit was easier. Just like it appears in the movies. Why can’t it just be laid out for us, like in a script? Why does it have to be so HARD???

This got me to thinkin’ <danger, danger”=”"> I haven’t been on a movie set…YET; but I watch a lot of movies and read too many articles on the internet about movie stars (no one in particular) and sets, and all the goings on around them. So allow me to enlighten you just a bit. Go pop some popcorn (I can wait), sit back, relax, and let us look at how parenthood is absolutely nothing like the movies.

Don’t mind me, I just need a moment to pretend.

1. We have no script. Every good movie needs a script so that the actors know what happens next. Parenthood needs a script. Wouldn’t it be lovely to know when to expect that projectile vomit or to know that your kid will conveniently forget to do their homework? To know when your kid is gonna pee his pants at a party or have that meltdown in the store because she wants the pink one not the damn purple one. I know I would love to know ahead of time when I need to be prepared for that first kiss or that first heartbreak. To know exactly the way to handle the first time you catch your little angel in their first try at serious parental deception. Can someone please write me a script?

2. I don’t have a trailer outfitted with a salon where I get my hair and makeup done every morning while perusing an unlimited supply of amazing clothes. While I know I looked pretty incredible in Target the other in my ratty K-State sweatshirt circa 1997, thinning sweats, hair in a messy bun, and no makeup; it would be nice to occasionally have an unlimited/unstained/non-hole riddled wardrobe and someone to coordinate my hair and makeup to match. One could get used to a scalp massage every morning.

3. Having a body double on hand sure would be helpful for the old self-esteem. You ladies know what I mean. We all have that one special time of the month in which we feel slightly, what’s the word here….blergh. bloated. ick. Just imagine for a minute if you can, you and the Hubs snuggling in for some sexy time. You aren’t really feeling it thanks to the magic of PMS, so here comes the old body double. Magically you are toned, your boobs are where they are supposed to be, legs properly shaved, you look incredible. Or how about that time at the pool when you see “that mom” in her string bikini while you sit on the side of the pool in your swim skirt. Bring on the body double. BOOM. Problem solved, esteem restored.

4. Catering available 24/7, don’t mind if I do. Not cooking for a night or two (or ten) would sure be nice. To have it catered in instead of having to go pick it up? Fabuloso. Don’t see something that floats your boat? Order it, someone will go get it for you. I like to cook but this wouldn’t be all bad either. From what I understand it isn’t exactly dog fodder that they serve here.

5. Filming in a warm, tropical location? I think I could make that work. Spend a couple of months in Europe? Sounds so much more glamorous than my little farm in the middle of Kansas. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE country living and the freedom that comes with it, but a few weeks in an exotic location with other people keeping track of your schedule and making sure you get where you need to go when you need to get there…it truly does sound like a nice change to the monotony of wiping butts, keeping track of who has what practice when, who has a field trip this week, and what doctor we need to visit this month.

6. We don’t have a stunt person on hand to handle all those unexpected accidents. You dads consider the trauma you suffer when that bat swing goes awry or when the socks are a little too slippery on the wood floor and their heads are at just the right level. NUT PUNCH. Moms, how about when we try to reign in that temper tantrum and catch that elbow in the boob or that Lego to the face, not to mention the trauma that our bodies (vaginas) go through during pregnancy and childbirth. This parenting gig is vicious and we never take into account our own safety. Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone trained in this area to take one for the team?

7. I would love to be walking down the street and some kick ass song comes on just for me. Think John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever minus the white bell bottoms. Having an amazing soundtrack to play at just the right moment would be so freaking awesome.

8. We have no editor. No way to remove those moments where maybe we had too much to drink or told someone to take a long walk off a short pier. Someone to cut out that time we were caught dancing a la Elaine from Seinfeld. How about that party you attended only to go back and look at pictures and see that parsley on your teeth or that booger hanging from your nose. EDIT. Realized after the fact that you said something remarkably stupid to an acquaintance? EDIT. Want to forget that you ever met someone? EDIT. Want to remove that moment of mom guilt? EDIT.

9. Unless incredible set design means mismatched couches, toy tractors all over the living room, toothpaste in the bathroom sink, and Lalaloopsy all over the dining room table, I don’t think I’ll be winning any Academy awards in that department. On that rare occasion that I entertain (still waiting on you Johnny) having a set designer would be the bomb-diggety. Nope, I never have pee on my toilets or shredded kleenexes all over the living room floor.

10. We aren’t getting paid millions of dollars to do this. When I say millions of dollars, I mean that in the most literal sense of the word. Cold. Hard. Cash. Now if you consider being paid in temper tantrums, eye rolls, foot stomps and “BUT MOOOOOOOOOM” I’m a freaking millionaire. Throw in the hugs, kisses, and “I Wuv You Mama” and I have more “money” than I know what to do with. Maybe this parenting job isn’t so bad after all.

Not only do I have a book out, but some of my friends do as well. If you aren’t reading these books, you aren’t the people I thought you were. Click on them. Order them. Put on a Poise. Read them. Laugh. I promise you will.

Filed Under: Children, Family, Humor, I Just Want to Pee Alone, Johnny Depp, Motherhood, parenting

It Really is OK to Just Say NO

March 27, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 8 Comments

Early on in childhood we are taught to say no. Say no to strangers, say no to drugs, say no to peer pressure. Even as parents we drill the same skill into our own little people. We stress to them the importance of using the word when something doesn’t seem right. That it is okay to give their friends a nice firm NO when they are being pressured to do things that they know are wrong. To say NO if they don’t want to do something. Makes you wonder why after all the years of being told to say it, we are so scared to use it as adults.

I’m do know that I’m not afraid to use it with my kids:

Mom, can I have a cell phone? No, you are ten.

Mom, can I have candy? No. I ate it all.

Mom, do you love me more than the others? No. I love you all equally, just some days I may like one of you more than the others.

Mom, do you have a wiener? Thankfully, no. If I did you wouldn’t be calling me mom.

Smell my feet mom! Not just no, but HELL NO.

Did you fart mom? Nope. Not me. I would never do that. <ahem>

While I love to piss my kids off on a daily basis by reminding them who is the boss around here, I often forget when approached by adults that I even know that the word NO is part of my vocabulary. Why do we have such a hard time saying that one little word to other adults, are we afraid of looking like we can’t handle it? Scared that we will be considered less of a woman/man/parent if we just say we can’t do it right now? Maybe it’s a little bit of mom guilt mixed in with that middle school mindset that we won’t be accepted if we don’t agree with every offer that is thrown our way.

This is extra difficult when the offers involve our kids. Sitting on the PTA board or coaching a ball team. Going on that field trip or making those cookies for the program. Never able to say no. Always willing to adjust our schedules to do what needs to be done. Never able to just walk away. Feeling as if we don’t say ‘yes’ that the job won’t get done. Forgetting that in most instances that one little word could alleviate so much stress from our lives if we would just use it. Just once it would keep us from trying to squeeze in one more meeting in an already over-packed day. Stop us from making just one more trip to the store for supplies. Give us an evening to reconnect with our already over-scheduled families.

Maybe it is that part of our human nature that has this desire to constantly please others. The feeling of never letting someone down. What happens when we become so overwhelmed that we forget to make those cookies or that meeting slips our mind? Disappointment and guilt. That’s what happens. Then we sit in the soup of despair and shitty feelings kicking ourselves in the ass for not being organized to write something down. For forgetting that we received that reminder call three days ago while we were juggling fixing lunch, finishing folding that load of laundry, and wiping the three-year-old’s butt. It is hard to believe that we, the uber-involved incredibly organized, could possibly overlook one little thing.

Here’s the deal, we ARE over-scheduled. We do strive for the acceptance of our peers, even as adults. We always want to appear as if we have it all together, even though we know in our hearts that we are falling apart and will be hopping aboard the crazy train any day now. In all reality, no one really gives a shit if you say “no, sorry, I just can’t make it to that meeting. I haven’t had dinner with my kids all week and I promised them that tonight was the night”. No one is going to think you are a raging bitch if you turn down that seat on the PTA board. OK they might, but if they do then maybe they are the bitch. No one else but us is looking our for us and what we need. What our families need.

The key is to find our balance. To find what is truly important to YOU. You want that seat on that non-profit? Grab it. You want to be the room mother for your kid (s)? DO IT. You want to run a bakery from your kitchen? Good for you. Do you have to do it all ? No way. Find your passion and do that. You aren’t telling the others to piss off, you are just saying that you want to be able to be fully invested in what you are doing. There is only so much room on our plates. To be truly involved with your whole self may take a little more effort but the rewards are ten-times greater than only being involved with just a piece of yourself.

We can no longer look at ’no’ as a word worthy of being placed on George Carlin’s list of dirty words. We can’t be afraid to say it to our kids, we know they aren’t afraid to say it to us. We can’t avoid it just because we are afraid of not being accepted into the cool kids club. If that club looks at you differently because you have priorities and can make a decision based on what is best for you, then maybe it isn’t as cool as you thought it was. There comes a time where that one little word can make the difference between spending time with the family that you love and adore or spending it doing something that makes you miserable. The choice is yours.

Find your true passion

Did you buy the book yet? PLEASE don’t tell me NO. Get all the details right here.

Filed Under: blogging, Children, Compassion, Family, Friendship, Gratitude, opinions, parenting, Talking, Thankful

Don’t Let the Guilt Get You

March 13, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 19 Comments

I screwed up. Not in a “I used salt instead of sugar in those cookies” kind of screwed up. More like a ”I now feel like a total asshole mother” kind of screwed up. It wasn’t over anything major, but to my fifth grade daughter it was kind of a big deal. Now I have this immense feeling of guilt. Mom guilt. Different from any other guilt you will ever feel and it sucks.

This isn’t the first time I have dropped the ball on something. I have forgotten to take someone to a birthday party, or missed that meeting about an activity. I have forgotten to call little Susie’s mom to see if Susie can come over for a sleepover. As parents we have unlimited opportunity for failure. Every second of every day presents us with an opportunity to fuck something up. There is no other job on the planet that you can enter into with absolutely no training whatsoever and then be left to deal with the pressure, the guilt, and the repercussions of not doing something right.

When I took that first job flipping hamburgers, I wasn’t allowed to start cooking the hamburgers right away. Hell no. I had to master the potato peeling and onion chopping first. I had to be able to make perfect patties and golden brown french fries before I could be trusted with the spatula and a hot grill. I received on the job training before being entrusted with the important tasks. There is no on the job training that comes along with parenthood. Sure, there are thousands of parenting books that you can peruse. There are millions upon millions of magazine and internet articles that you can sort through and read. Most likely you have friends or acquaintances that you can ask for advice. The thing is, your parenting skills will be completely different from everyone else’s. Don’t fall for the ideal of being the “perfect” parent. You are just setting yourself up for disappointment. You will be a GREAT parent, but there is no such thing as the “perfect” one.

At some point we have all royally screwed up something for our kids. Maybe we have that day that we didn’t make the time to play that board game. Maybe we forgot to write that letter of encouragement for them to read before their state assessment tests. Maybe we were taking a few seconds to read an email instead of watching them go down the slide. Maybe we were busy writing a piece for a book and didn’t spend the afternoon giving our kids scissors and glue guns. It doesn’t mean we love them any less or that we wish that they didn’t exist, it just means that we as parents are so consumed with trying to prove to everyone else that we can do everything when in reality we are drowning in our own sea of over scheduling and pressure to overachieve, present company included.

Am I a failure as a mother because my kids are currently parked in front of the television long enough for me to finish this post? No I’m not. Do I feel a slight twinge of guilt that I am doing that? Absolutely. Does it mean that I am lazy parent who only focuses on her needs instead of the needs of her children? No effing way. It means that I deserve to take some time for myself. To do the things that I enjoy and that make me a better mother. It means that I have things that I like to make time for besides wiping butts and playing Chutes and Ladders for the five millionth time. It means that in order for me to be the parent that I need to be I have to take the time to tend to myself, even if that means locking the door just so I can poop in peace.

If you can honestly look in the mirror and say to yourself that you don’t have needs. That you are the ideal parent. That your sole purpose in life is to be the beck and call girl for your kids. That you don’t ever make mistakes and suffer from mom guilt. You are full of shit. I mean, you have it oozing out of every orifice. Instead of filling yourself with these unrealistic expectations, why not tell yourself that it is OK that you forgot to make that phone call. That you aren’t ruining your kids if you let them have pop for lunch. That it is OK that you forgot to do something. That they won’t be traumatized for life if they have to go out into the backyard and play by themselves for fifteen minutes while you switch the laundry or eat that bag of M & M’s that you’ve been hiding in the cabinet.

We all make mistakes. We all have the guilt. We all have those days where we want to pack our bags and run away to the Bahamas with Johnny Depp. Well, I do at least. We can’t sit around criticizing each other and ourselves for the choices that we make for our own children. We can’t constantly attack each other because we do things differently. We can’t look in that proverbial mirror and beat ourselves up because we have those moments of doubt. Because we forgot something. Because we made a mistake. Because we just wanted to take a few minutes for ourselves. Guilt will eat you alive if you let it. We need to support each other despite our differences. We must have the belief in ourselves that we are doing something right. That we have one, or two, or five little people who think we are better than sliced bread. That these kids will turn out just fine. Have faith in YOURSELF. You’ve got this. WE’ve got this.

Faith

Have you bought the book yet? NO?? WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR???? Talk about a good way to remind yourself that we aren’t perfect. Go ahead and get a copy for yourself and feel free to get a copy for all of your mom friends too. You will laugh, you may cry from laughter, you will definitely no longer feel alone. All positive reviews will be sprinkled with glitter in celebration. Get all the details right HERE.

Filed Under: Children, Compassion, Family, Humor, Johnny Depp, kids, Love, Motherhood, opinions, parenting, self worth, Women

I’m Not a Medical Professional, but I Play One in This Post

March 4, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 11 Comments

Treadmill

Today I re-started my workout regimen. Never fear, it isn’t a hardcore heavy-duty workout that will take away from my precious writing time, but it’s a workout nonetheless. I have been on a hiatus and ever since that break started all I have done is watch my middle rise like a batch of yeasty bread. Since I am pretty sure it has risen until double in size, it is time to punch it back down, only this time I don’t plan on letting it rise again. It’s only flat-breads from here on out.

I have missed running. I never thought those words would come out of my mouth, but I miss the way it makes me feel afterwards. You know, having energy. Tight-ish abs. Less junk in my trunk. Less jiggle in the thighs. You get what I’m sayin’. I also miss those few minutes with just me and my music and my thoughts. Whatever I want to listen to without having to skip a few songs due to their explicit nature. Sorting out the various thoughts swimming about in my brain.

I think Mr. Nordic Track has forgiven me for taking such a long break from our relationship as he was remarkably kind to me this morning. Too bad the kids were not as supportive of my endeavor, attention seeking little animals that they are. As I was plugging along trying to ignore them, I came up with this list of suggested things to do before/during/after your workout. I can only hope that it helps at least one of you.

Before the workout begins:

Decide you are going to actually workout
Have another cup of coffee
Answer a couple of phone calls while catching up on Facebook
Have a bowl of cereal
Pee
Have another cup of coffee
Switch the laundry
Read a blog or two
Pee again
Put your workout clothes on
Ask three-year old if they have to pee before you get started
Pee again (next time consume less coffee)
Lock the fridge so that kids can’t sneak up and help themselves to a snack mid-workout
Answer another phone call
Pee again
Dig out treadmill from under pile of toys/clothes/junk
Try to remember how to turn on the treadmill

During the workout:

Make sure you turn on the treadmill. This is very helpful.
Make sure you set treadmill on the right speed. It is painful when you eat shit on a fast-moving belt.
Don’t forget to jump over the toys that the kids send down the belt. They like to test your cat-like reflexes.
Turn up your music. It drowns out the screams.
Remember that dance-walking burns more calories. This will also cause your children to shoot you odd looks and most likely cause uncontrollable laughter.
Don’t forget to stop the treadmill when you have to get off to take the three-year old pee because he didn’t go before you started like you asked him to.
Don’t forget to go pee when you take the toddler pee. Your pants will thank you later.
Smile and clap for the four-year-old’s musical performance, which thanks to the headphones you didn’t have to endure since it involved a tambourine, jingle bells, and maracas.
Don’t push yourself too hard, you will be required to move tomorrow. As in your body. Out of the bed.

After the workout:

Stretch. This will help the movement that will be required later in the day. While most likely this will be painful, especially to your psyche as you attempt to bend down and touch your toes and decide that your thighs are close enough.
Hydrate. Preferably with water, but depending on the time of day of your workout your beverage of choice is totally up to you.
Take tea-party breaks in-between stretches. This serves two purposes; 1. you interact with your kids that you have been ignoring for the last thirty minutes, and 2. it gives you extra time to get up from the previous stretch before moving on to the next one.
Give yourself a pat on the back for surviving another workout and try to fight the urge to stuff a couple of cookies in your pie-hole.

These are only some suggestions derived from my own personal experiences. I do not claim to be a medical professional and can only say that I cannot accept any responsibility for injuries that may occur if you choose not to take these suggestions to heart. I will also not accept any responsibility for any wet pants that occur due to either the ignoring of these suggestions, or from the laughter that you just enjoyed from reading this post. I have enough laundry, next time invest in some Poise.

Filed Under: Family, Hints, Humor, kids, Motherhood, parenting, Women

Every Girl Needs One of These

March 1, 2013 by Tara-YKIHAYHT 31 Comments

As you all know by now, I have three girls. Three girls with long hair. I’m not talking kind-of long hair. When I say long, I mean LONG. Mini-me has decided to grow hers out for locks of love, and the other ones just refuse to cut theirs. I don’t want them to feel awkward, so of course I have long hair too. I suppose what I am trying to tell you is that we are a house filled with spider monkeys. Hair. Hair everywhere. Even the boys are hairy. Except for Farmer Bob…poor guy.

Anywho, when Alana from A Girl and Her Band approached me for a potential collaboration, I was immediately intrigued. You all know that I don’t do a lot of reviews and giveaways here. It just isn’t my schtick, but I was drawn to this new company. I am not bragging or complaining here, but I am “well-endowed” in the hair department. I am always looking for something to help keep it under control so I spent A LOT of time on A Girl and Her Band reading and investigating. Once I read their motto I knew I had to give them a try.

I march to my own beat.. I smile because it’s contagious,
I take chances, I follow my heart and chase my dreams.

I live for today and plan for tomorrow, I lay down and make snow angels,
I stand up for what I believe in.

I climb trees when I need a new perspective, I’m a risk taker,
I do my homework because I love to learn.

I play night games with the neighbors, I jump in puddles,
I love breakfast for dinner and ice cream for breakfast.

I explore the world asking questions along the way, I speak up and I listen.

I love hanging with my grandparents, I volunteer,
I am not afraid to make mistakes.. they’ve proven to be great teachers.

I respect those around me, and I respect myself, if I don’t have anything nice to say I don’t say anything at all.
I clean my room, I work hard and play harder, I belly laugh, I cry, and I am honest with myself.

I wear my hair back so people can see my face, showing the world that I am confident and enthusiastic about where this adventure called life will take me.

I am inspired, and I will continue to March to My Own Beat!

I noticed at the bottom of their website that they had a spot about giving back. You all know that I’m a fan of helping others so I checked it out…

A Girl and Her Band believes in empowering girls of all ages, and is proud to announce our 12 months of giving program. We proudly support 12 different non-profit organizations, including ChildHelp, and Girls On The Run. We believe that we can all change the world a little bit everyday in our own special way.

Each month, a different non-profit organization will be featured. A percentage of each and every band sold will go to the featured non-profit of the month. Check back each month, and join us in supporting and empowering girls and women around the world.

OK…I was in. Then I realized that they are four moms just like me. Like us. Trying to make a difference and make a fabulous product to make our lives just a little bit easier. I got back in touch with Alana and she sent me a few bands for myself and my girls to try out.

At first I was skeptical, but once we wore them I was sold. I have never had a headband stay in place. I could put one of these bands on in the morning and it was in the exact same spot in the evening. My girls wore them out in the snow, to school, and even changed their clothes with their bands on. Nothing. They love them and the fight over which one they get to wear everyday. I am not a fan of glitter so I was worried about the glitter bands. NOT GLITTER!!!!! I rejoiced when I opened them and felt them. AMAZING. The hair ties worked amazingly well and the girls love wearing them as bracelets in-between pony-tails. These bands are moisture wicking, antimicrobial, and MACHINE WASHABLE!!! There are so many adorable choices and they can even customize a band just for you or your group!

You are probably wanting to know where I’m going with this. Well, you know I like to do things for you besides just giving you words to read. I like to occasionally offer you something nice as a huge THANK YOU for all you guys do for me. The group at A Girl and Her Band have given me the all clear to offer one lucky reader a $50.00 gift card to A Girl and Her Band. They have also been generous enough to offer ALL of you 10% off your entire order if you use the code ”yourhouse” when you check-out. You know I would not lead you astray. The girls here at casa de YKIHAYHT are in LOVE with these bands I can see another order in our near future! These will be perfect for softball season!

To enter you have options. You can do one or all of the entries. Follow both of us on Facebook? BOOM, two entries. Follow both of us on Twitter? BOOM, two more entries. Tweet out telling your friends to enter? BOOM. Entry. Visit their website, look around, then come back here and leave me a comment telling me your favorite band. BOOM, entry. SO EASY!

This giveaway will be open to entries until 11:59 PM EST on March 7. The Winner will be randomly chosen via Rafflecopter and announced on the Blog and on Facebook on March 8, 2013 and will have 24 hours to contact me at ithappensatyourhousetoo@gmail.com to claim your prize. If I don’t hear from the winner, we will rinse and repeat the process. Good luck to you all and HAPPY SHOPPING, just remember to use the code “yourhouse” when you check out!!! xo

a Rafflecopter giveaway