I’ve been after my friend Angela to guest post for me for some time.  We first “met” via our Facebook pages and I was immediately drawn to her.  Her positive attitude, her fantastic sense of humor, and the way she truly cares for others is just a few of the qualities that I adore about her.  She has been one of my biggest fans and supporters  from the  beginning of this journey and I am so very blessed to be able to call her my friend. I look forward to the day that I get to sit across the table from her and share a meal and so many laughs.  She runs an amazing Facebook page and recently launched her accompanying website that is a GREAT place for women to connect.  Without further ado, please welcome my friend Angela, Sad But True Life of a Middle Aged Woman.

We, as a culture, seem to be obsessed with our size. Do my jeans make me look fat? Does this shirt show too much boob? And where the hell did that back fat come from? We spend time looking in the mirror to see if we have added some pounds, lost some pounds or, quite possibly, shifted some poundage from one place to another, as if one day we would wake up and find that some of the fat in our butt or stomach has been magically shifted to our boobs, or other desirable places.

We examine our bodies to see if we have aspired to the “type” that society says we should be. But what is the “perfect” type anyway? Curvy? Skinny? Slim? Big on top little on the bottom? Who knows, but let’s move on…

Once we have finished examining ourselves, we might find that we are disappointed to find our bodies are in the same place that we left them the night before. In an attempt to feel better about ourselves, we now hit the streets looking for a body that we believe looks worse than our own. And why do we need someone to look worse than we do? Because it makes us feel better about ourselves.

I’m sure you’ve been out and about and seen all sorts of body types walking around. Some of these types may be overweight and maybe when you saw them you thought, “She would look so good if she would just lose a few pounds, then she would be perfect!” Or, maybe you saw somebody really thin and you thought, “I wonder if she has anorexia or bulimia.”  Then, of course, there is the body type that looks physically fit and we say, “I bet she is a bitch. She only thinks about working out” or “I’ll bet she doesn’t have any problems. She’s perfect.”  It seems that we are either too fat or too skinny, never being able to make everybody happy, and this really bugs me, because, quite frankly, WHY does it matter?? If I am curvy or skinny or physically fit, who gives a rat’s ass? I am still ME. I believe that when one group has to put down another group in order to make themselves feel better, it’s completely pathetic. But this isn’t a new feeling for me, in fact it has always bothered me, because, I am that girl. Which girl? Well, both.

I have been from one extreme of the weight issue to the other. I have been curvy and I have been board straight, as in no curves, not one…anywhere. No boobs, no hips, NADA. Then, one day, just like that, I woke up curvy. And I mean CURVY…boobs, hips and a little bit of arm flab thrown in for good measure. When I was curvy, I was told I should “work out” and maybe I should “eat fewer carbs,” like eating fewer carbs was an option I wanted to entertain. As a non-curvy person, I was told, “You should put on some weight” or “maybe you should lift weights, it might help you get shapely.”  Each comment, whether it was directed toward my curvy self or my skinny self, would be followed up with, “You’ll feel better, if you do what I said, I promise.” The reality was that whatever or whomever I was, wasn’t good enough to the group that I wasn’t.

Frantically, in my attempt to make everybody else happy I followed the instructions I had been given. When I was curvy, I worked out and ate salads, but it didn’t work. The mashed potatoes from my former life were my friend and they stuck to my hips and promised to never leave me. I practiced looking at myself in the mirror, wondering which angle would make my double chin appear a little bit less. When I was skinny, I did everything I could to gain weight, which included eating everything I could and lifting weights, but to no avail. My metabolism was off the charts, so the weight just slid off. I felt like I looked like a boy and could not possibly be attractive.

Over time I stopped trying to make other people happy because I could NEVER live up to anybody else’s expectation. I could only live up to my own expectation. The reality is that people are people. They are not better if they are curvy or skinny, big or little or rich or poor. What matters is if they are happy with themselves, and that is all. Oh, I hear people saying, “But they are unhealthy!” And I say; that is their business, not yours.

In each and every situation, whether I was curvy or slim, I was still funny, nice, kind, friendly and caring. Those were and are the qualities that stay with me no matter what I look like on the outside. Focus on your inner qualities and while you’re at it, focus on other people’s inner qualities too.

Listen to me when I say curvy women aren’t better than slim women and slim women aren’t better than curvy women. Period. Curvy women aren’t happier than slim women and slim women aren’t happier than curvy women. Got it? If you don’t want to be fat or skinny, then don’t be, but don’t judge someone else for who you think they should be.

Here is a thought, next time you see someone, instead of looking at their body to see who they are, look in to their eyes to see who they are. You will be amazed.

Angela

(currently slim(ish), boobilicious and with a muffin top)

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